Live it before it ends!

I started reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom, after reading a friend's post about it. While reading the book, I remembered how it was so similar to the book "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. I had read the former a long time ago, perhaps an year or so, ago. Both the books are written by people who know they're about to die in a few months/years time, and wish to make the most of their lives in this departing time.

I always feel very encouraged and charged up after reading these books.

But, in some time, the charge fades away.

I was thinking, what should I do to keep it alive always?

The answer came: Ask yourself every night "Is there anything you wish to do in case you die tomorrow? Is there anything you MUST do right now?"

This way I think I'll always have my priorities right and keep doing things I always wish to do. This may also help me in not worrying too much about the petty issues of life like Work, Relations, House Rent etc.

Hope to remember it!

The 'J' factor

I was seeing a friend's HM pics. Most of the HM pics are always steaming and love seems to be in the air, but this one had real good pictures. The pics were really well taken.

But, after seeing them, I felt sad. I felt like "How happy these guys are. I wish I were".

Then I realized even I was! Damn it! Still, I was sad. I kept looking at the pics over n over through the day and kept feeling bad. I thought n thought.

Then I understood.

I was simply jealous. It didn't matter what I have. It's just that seeing someone else happy or with something special makes me jealous. I think this is the 'girl factor'. Can't help it. Shallow me!

But then, who said I was God. :P

The other day I saw a friend in a beautiful Khadi Saree and remembered how I wanted to create my own wardrobe of such sarees. And, started feeling J again. :) :P

And everyone knows what follows such a feeling.

I pinged Tarun right there saying that we'll go shopping this very weekend. :D

Girls will remain girls!

PS: Despite the fact that girls have a J factor in them, it's not something that defines them. It's a quick emotion which comes and passes by. Just that, there are some intermittent actions that follow such emotions, like shopping (or crying in extreme/maniacal cases). But, at the end, it's all human. :)

Loser or a Phoenix..?

Sometimes it all looks like futile attempts. It seems like whatever reasons I give to myself, they are mere excuses...excuses that I use to escape from the truth. It seems like I know the truth but am struck in a vicious circle where I have to keep giving myself hopes that things will improve and keep trying. Every time I fail I've to get up again because I've no other choice. I've to accept that I failed and try again. There's no running away from circumstances. There's no quitting.

I HAVE TO do it.

I HAVE TO try again.

I HAVE TO keep working at it, no matter I succeed or fail.

No matter how many times my ego is hurt. No matter how many times I've to take the shame and gulp it in and forget it. I have to keep trying to improve.

All sounds like a winner in the making.

Don't know if it's a winner in the making or a loser pleasing herself.

What women want

People often wonder what is it dat women want!? I don't know the answer either. But I think my Mr. Aggarwal knows it for sure. :)

Love ya!

Inequality equalled

After delivering a baby in a normal delivery, by natural course, a sad thought came to my mind...

"All the pains in the process of recreation our borne by the woman...puberty, intercourse or delivery. Is it really true that God has made man the better gender, the purer gender, as mentioned in Ramayana? Is it true that God has created man for the better jobs and women for the dirty ones? If it is so, then no matter how much women fight for equality with men, they can never win the inequality already done by God."

The thought was really sad but somewhere in my heart, I never could believe it.

As time passed and I spent some time with my baby, I realized how wrong I was. God has not made women the lesser ones, rather they are the 'chosen' ones.

Motherhood is the payback for all the pain you have taken.

The kind of bonding that comes in between the baby and the mother, right after birth, is so out-worldly an experience, that no other feeling in this world can compete it. No other relation or emotion is so strong as this.

If someone asked me what is motherhood, I will like to quote Stephanie Meyer's words from her famous novella 'Twilight' about a concept she has penned as 'imprinting'. It's something like this (rewritten in my words)..

"It feels like the whole universe has adjusted itself around that point. It's as if nothing else, no one else exists but that object. It feels like the object is your personal sun. "

I think it is a similar feeling for your baby. This is something only the woman can feel and no one else.

I am repaid. :)

Understanding relations

A sudden thought came to my mind. We understand blood relations because they are pre-defined. We follow them or respect them because we’re accustomed to following them in a certain way. But, as we grow old in age, and we meet new people, and we make new relations, we get confused. We get confused as to why these relations are there, what I should name this new relation, or why, at all, I need to name this relation!

I think it’s because naming a relation attaches certain rules, certain codes of conduct, certain expectations, and certain limits, to the relationship.

These limits, why are they needed? Why do we need to differentiate between a real brother and a foster brother? It should make no difference practically. But, it does. It does because that’s how the balance of civilization is maintained. It is the basis of human civilization.

Imagine for a minute where we don’t follow these rules. What if we stop following them!? You’re friends with a person. You grow fond of the person. You like talking, sharing ideas, laughing over nothing. You grow so close that whenever you’re upset, you go to this person. You cannot think of anyone else for solving your problems, unraveling your mind, or getting de-stressed. It’s like your tonic for the day, for life. Life’s going great, no problems!

But, there is ONE problem. You were already in a relationship with someone else. This new person was just supposed to be a friend, or a foster brother/ sister. Can any husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend accept that you’re so close to someone else than himself? If it’s a true relationship, then can anyone accept that for emotional support, you depend on someone else than himself/herself? Or, is it really now a question of “As long as you’re not sleeping with him/her, I’m fine!”

I think in today’s real world, it has come down to this one basic question only. A husband-wife relation is different only because they sleep together. They are not dependent on each other financially, not emotionally. The physical need is the only need. So, once that need is fulfilled from somewhere else, the reason of marriage or the relationship fails. This is the reason why we have so many failed marriages and such short lives of marriage. And, what was the basic flaw? “Love ended, we were too apart people, we had stopped understanding each other”. NO! The basic flaw was that we didn’t maintain the sanctity of our relations. We never maintained the basic rule that for all emotional and physical needs, I’ll look unto you and no one else.

Moral of the story: Society people may be orthodox, but society rules aren’t. These rules are the basis of humans living harmoniously else everything will be a chaos. Civilization means inter-dependence of human beings. No dependence, no civilization can exist.

First ever presentation

I had my first ever formal presentation today. I never noticed that I had actually never made a presentation myself, in so many years of my service. Presentations are so common, but perhaps mostly that I gave were white-board ones. Never on Microsoft PowerPoint.

The ppt went great! :) I had low number of audience (thanks to the topic I was covering) but the ones who were there, really found it quite useful. My manager was happy, and commented "Good presentation". My Team Lead was happy and said a job well done :P

Hehehe!

AND I AM VERY HAPPY! :)

@Tarun:

I love you my sweetheart! It couldn't have been possible without your help and support, and powerpoint skills ;) It's great to know that 'you' are my soulmate.

Boss is always right - is it?

Read a wonderful quote at a friend's gtalk status message :-

"When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary. So if you always agree with you boss, then chances are that you are unnecessary"

WOW! :)

ohh Love!

Ohhh Love!

When I kept looking for you, kept running behind you all around to come to meet me, you kept evading me.

I cried, I begged, I made a fool of myself all over, but you didn’t budge.

And then I stopped following you, deciding to never look for you again…

Hurt to the core….firm on my decision to not let you into my life again.

And, here you are, hopping joyously back to me, like an innocent child.

Look at the irony, here I am, yet again, taking you back in, with open arms and a smile on my face.

But it seems that this time…our journey together is going to be much longer, more ever-lasting, and much more satisfying than ever before.

Because it’s not me, but you who came looking for me. J

Is this how you can be conquered? Is this all it takes to keep hold of you in life?

Or perhaps you wait till the right time arrives…

Till the right one arrives. J

How much is too much?

As I start a new day, these questions keep whirling in my mind.

When do I say - "I give up.."?

How do I find out - "How much is too much?"

As every piece of my body aches and my strength threatens to break down any moment and every passing moment, I wonder if I can say 'yes' to the questions above. My Dad always tells me that fatigue is in our minds. We think that we're tired so we are. This is what I follow too. But, it seems now is the time when I am continuously stretching my limits and I won't know when I've crossed them to breakpoint.

I think body has its own way of showing it that this is the max I can go. Hope it does. :)

Love Shove etc

Moral of the story/ Long story turned short/ Message for the young generation

When you feel that you like/love/whatever someone, just go and ask

"Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?"

Do NOT say "I love you".

The thing we want from a relationship is twosome, fun time, someone to talk to, someone whom I can tell about my day-to-day issues and have a hearty laugh on things in general.

Let's keep the other complexities of the world out of it then. Naming it as a relationship/commitment, and thinking that you 'love' him/her just complicates the matters. All sorts of issues like Marriage, Parents, Ego, etc etc etc come into picture then.

These are matters of adults and best handled by them. This is the time to have fun. Just do that. We already have enough work/study pressure on us to keep us tensed. Let's not add another reason to our worries.

Angel of my life

If you've read "Many Masters, Many Lives" by Dr Brian Weiss, you would understand the true essence of 'angel' in the title. The angel is not the cute looking, fairy-winged, dressed in white doll that we see in movies, but the ordinary human beings that we meet daily.

For the unstarted, as per the book, every person that we meet or come across in our life has some significant role to play in our lives. Some of them are angels or guardians. They are not our soulmates. They are not even consistently there in our lives. But, they play a significant role in many of the important things that happen in our life. They are truly angels.

Now, I had an angel too in my life. My best friend, my pal and my brother...not a brother by blood but a brother by emotions/heart. I am missing him a lot. A LOT. I'm no more in touch with him. The decision was consciously made. I took it. And, he just abided by it for my happiness. But, now I understand...taking a harsh decision is one thing but keeping up to it is totally another.

In this phase of missing, I've experienced some new, totally new experiences.

1. Imagining that he's there when it's not him, but a stranger walking down the road. This has happened quite many times now :( It seemed too bollywood-ish to believe when it hadn't happened to me.

2. I thought I liked talking to him because I had no one to share my problems with, or clear up my dilemmas. Now, I have my own personal someone for all that, but I miss him more now because I want to share my happiness, my happy moments with him, and I can't. I think of the happiness and think how he would have reacted, how he would have been truly happy in my joy, my happiness. There are actually very few people who would be truly delighted in your happiness. Everyone else will have a pang of jealousy or a fake smile.

3. I always believed in "out of sight, out of mind" philosophy. It worked for me quite effectively, many times. It doesn't work here. It's been an year since I met him.

In some cases, this philosophy doesn't work.

It's his birthday in a few days time, and I wish him great health and success in his life.

Wanna tell him that I miss him often. But, I think he already knows that. And, that's the beauty of our now-non-existent friendship.

It'll always remain close to my heart.

But, one thing is sure. It's difficult to let-go of such dear things in life.