Understanding relations

A sudden thought came to my mind. We understand blood relations because they are pre-defined. We follow them or respect them because we’re accustomed to following them in a certain way. But, as we grow old in age, and we meet new people, and we make new relations, we get confused. We get confused as to why these relations are there, what I should name this new relation, or why, at all, I need to name this relation!

I think it’s because naming a relation attaches certain rules, certain codes of conduct, certain expectations, and certain limits, to the relationship.

These limits, why are they needed? Why do we need to differentiate between a real brother and a foster brother? It should make no difference practically. But, it does. It does because that’s how the balance of civilization is maintained. It is the basis of human civilization.

Imagine for a minute where we don’t follow these rules. What if we stop following them!? You’re friends with a person. You grow fond of the person. You like talking, sharing ideas, laughing over nothing. You grow so close that whenever you’re upset, you go to this person. You cannot think of anyone else for solving your problems, unraveling your mind, or getting de-stressed. It’s like your tonic for the day, for life. Life’s going great, no problems!

But, there is ONE problem. You were already in a relationship with someone else. This new person was just supposed to be a friend, or a foster brother/ sister. Can any husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend accept that you’re so close to someone else than himself? If it’s a true relationship, then can anyone accept that for emotional support, you depend on someone else than himself/herself? Or, is it really now a question of “As long as you’re not sleeping with him/her, I’m fine!”

I think in today’s real world, it has come down to this one basic question only. A husband-wife relation is different only because they sleep together. They are not dependent on each other financially, not emotionally. The physical need is the only need. So, once that need is fulfilled from somewhere else, the reason of marriage or the relationship fails. This is the reason why we have so many failed marriages and such short lives of marriage. And, what was the basic flaw? “Love ended, we were too apart people, we had stopped understanding each other”. NO! The basic flaw was that we didn’t maintain the sanctity of our relations. We never maintained the basic rule that for all emotional and physical needs, I’ll look unto you and no one else.

Moral of the story: Society people may be orthodox, but society rules aren’t. These rules are the basis of humans living harmoniously else everything will be a chaos. Civilization means inter-dependence of human beings. No dependence, no civilization can exist.

First ever presentation

I had my first ever formal presentation today. I never noticed that I had actually never made a presentation myself, in so many years of my service. Presentations are so common, but perhaps mostly that I gave were white-board ones. Never on Microsoft PowerPoint.

The ppt went great! :) I had low number of audience (thanks to the topic I was covering) but the ones who were there, really found it quite useful. My manager was happy, and commented "Good presentation". My Team Lead was happy and said a job well done :P

Hehehe!

AND I AM VERY HAPPY! :)

@Tarun:

I love you my sweetheart! It couldn't have been possible without your help and support, and powerpoint skills ;) It's great to know that 'you' are my soulmate.

Boss is always right - is it?

Read a wonderful quote at a friend's gtalk status message :-

"When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary. So if you always agree with you boss, then chances are that you are unnecessary"

WOW! :)

ohh Love!

Ohhh Love!

When I kept looking for you, kept running behind you all around to come to meet me, you kept evading me.

I cried, I begged, I made a fool of myself all over, but you didn’t budge.

And then I stopped following you, deciding to never look for you again…

Hurt to the core….firm on my decision to not let you into my life again.

And, here you are, hopping joyously back to me, like an innocent child.

Look at the irony, here I am, yet again, taking you back in, with open arms and a smile on my face.

But it seems that this time…our journey together is going to be much longer, more ever-lasting, and much more satisfying than ever before.

Because it’s not me, but you who came looking for me. J

Is this how you can be conquered? Is this all it takes to keep hold of you in life?

Or perhaps you wait till the right time arrives…

Till the right one arrives. J

How much is too much?

As I start a new day, these questions keep whirling in my mind.

When do I say - "I give up.."?

How do I find out - "How much is too much?"

As every piece of my body aches and my strength threatens to break down any moment and every passing moment, I wonder if I can say 'yes' to the questions above. My Dad always tells me that fatigue is in our minds. We think that we're tired so we are. This is what I follow too. But, it seems now is the time when I am continuously stretching my limits and I won't know when I've crossed them to breakpoint.

I think body has its own way of showing it that this is the max I can go. Hope it does. :)

Love Shove etc

Moral of the story/ Long story turned short/ Message for the young generation

When you feel that you like/love/whatever someone, just go and ask

"Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?"

Do NOT say "I love you".

The thing we want from a relationship is twosome, fun time, someone to talk to, someone whom I can tell about my day-to-day issues and have a hearty laugh on things in general.

Let's keep the other complexities of the world out of it then. Naming it as a relationship/commitment, and thinking that you 'love' him/her just complicates the matters. All sorts of issues like Marriage, Parents, Ego, etc etc etc come into picture then.

These are matters of adults and best handled by them. This is the time to have fun. Just do that. We already have enough work/study pressure on us to keep us tensed. Let's not add another reason to our worries.

Angel of my life

If you've read "Many Masters, Many Lives" by Dr Brian Weiss, you would understand the true essence of 'angel' in the title. The angel is not the cute looking, fairy-winged, dressed in white doll that we see in movies, but the ordinary human beings that we meet daily.

For the unstarted, as per the book, every person that we meet or come across in our life has some significant role to play in our lives. Some of them are angels or guardians. They are not our soulmates. They are not even consistently there in our lives. But, they play a significant role in many of the important things that happen in our life. They are truly angels.

Now, I had an angel too in my life. My best friend, my pal and my brother...not a brother by blood but a brother by emotions/heart. I am missing him a lot. A LOT. I'm no more in touch with him. The decision was consciously made. I took it. And, he just abided by it for my happiness. But, now I understand...taking a harsh decision is one thing but keeping up to it is totally another.

In this phase of missing, I've experienced some new, totally new experiences.

1. Imagining that he's there when it's not him, but a stranger walking down the road. This has happened quite many times now :( It seemed too bollywood-ish to believe when it hadn't happened to me.

2. I thought I liked talking to him because I had no one to share my problems with, or clear up my dilemmas. Now, I have my own personal someone for all that, but I miss him more now because I want to share my happiness, my happy moments with him, and I can't. I think of the happiness and think how he would have reacted, how he would have been truly happy in my joy, my happiness. There are actually very few people who would be truly delighted in your happiness. Everyone else will have a pang of jealousy or a fake smile.

3. I always believed in "out of sight, out of mind" philosophy. It worked for me quite effectively, many times. It doesn't work here. It's been an year since I met him.

In some cases, this philosophy doesn't work.

It's his birthday in a few days time, and I wish him great health and success in his life.

Wanna tell him that I miss him often. But, I think he already knows that. And, that's the beauty of our now-non-existent friendship.

It'll always remain close to my heart.

But, one thing is sure. It's difficult to let-go of such dear things in life.

Confessions

If it hadn't been so deeply rooted in my blood that "Smoking is injurious to health"... I would have been a definite smoker.

I want and I must...

I want to cry, but I must smile...

I want to shout, but I must be humble...

I want to break free, but I must remain bound.

Life's getting difficult

This is the detail of my earlier post "Life's sucking blood". I feel guilty of blabbering about my family issues out in public but I'm too stressed with everything and need to remove the garbage accumulating in my mind.

I feel as if my mind has become a venom-secreting machine these days. Every time the thought of getting separate from my in-laws or getting away from my marital family, is in my mind. No matter how hard I try to evacuate the thought from my mind, I can't. I may get over it and get to normal for a day or two, but then again something happens and it's back in my mind. This thought is affecting my relation with my husband also. I don't want to show him or tell him that I'm thinking about it all, yet 'again'. And, I cannot hide from him because he realizes it from my face. I don't need to tell him for him to know that my mind is thinking again, and it's thinking negative. And, it's the same thought.

Everyone around me tells me that I've the most helping and supportive family that one could get in Indian marriage. My MIL helps me with house-hold chores. She tries to be the same way with me as she's with her own kids and she does it with full fervor. I didn't know anything in kitchen. She has never cribbed about it and tirelessly helped me learn and grow there. My FIL is also a very caring and gentle person. He never pushes me for anything. Gives us full space and respect, that one could ever ask for or expect.

Still, I feel like I want to stay away from them. I don't know what exactly is my reason for that. I don't ever say that my reasons are valid enough to separate such parents from their only son, but I know that I can't live with them, and respect them truly from heart, at the same time. I want to. I know they deserve it completely. But, I'm unable to.

No matter how much I try to accept them, their ways, their beliefs, their lifestyle or their traditions make me feel sick and I feel like running away from the place. The change in lifestyle and mindset of my in-laws from my parents is so huge that its getting difficult for me to bridge the gap. One can leave old life and start a new life only when one looses touch with the past. The past and the future can never co-exist. When I talk to people from my pre-marital life, I get back into the same old life and ways and thought line, as I had before marriage. And, when I come back to reality, to my marital life, it all changes. All the things that mattered to me before marriage are baseless and cannot matter anymore in my life. My career, my understanding of the world, my way of spending, my way of living. I need to change everything to settle here. And, I don't need to feel bad about it also.

I have an all-housewife family here and I had all-working and career-oriented family there. My parents still say and feel that I should try and grow higher in my career and my in-laws wish that I somehow get into Teaching line so that I can give more time to family. I don't know what to do.

At career side, changing job was one of a turning point in my life. Now, when I'm earning a decent amount, I'm realizing that it comes with a lot of responsibility and work. My office needs and demands more of my time. A life where I spend most of my time at office or with office work....take calls in evening to talk with my US team, work on extra stuff to get some innovation. Basically they need employees to do just office work and no extra work. But, married women have another job and that is there family which needs equal amount of their time and there's a lot of work to be done when you get back home. I tried to balance the two but somehow I was neglecting my work without my realizing it. Now, since I've finished my 6 months here, they want me to take more responsibilities and spend more time for office. This is all getting too stressful for me. It's not just work that's there but the pressure as well.

I have discussed the same with my husband but he cannot give me any solution either. Since we're living with in-laws, most of the household work is already taken care of. I just need to go home and cook food. This is something he'll never accept that we get done from a maid. So, there's nothing we can do here. This further stresses me up as I seriously need time for myself and for relaxing a bit, and I get none. I wake up at 5.30-6.00 now out of tension. And, am not able to sleep before 11.00 pm. I don't know how to cope up. I don't know what to do.

God, do I need to wait for your next Avatar to get me out of this situation? I need relief immediately!! I don't want to hurt anyone, esp my husband who's the most beautiful soul I've met... and I cannot continue like this. It hurts even more to see him pained because of me! I had vowed to give him all the happiness in life and NOT these miseries. It really hurts!

Life's sucking blood

Life's getting stressful with each passing day..and no where to vent out..

A baby girl?

I was thinking of why I want a baby boy and not a baby girl? Am I a sexist? Or, I am also one of those with the typical mind-set of an Indian where a boy is loved and favored more than a girl...?

To understand this, I thought of how I would like to grow up my girl. I always had innumerable plans on how to raise my boy, but never gave much thought on what if it's a girl....

Unfortunately, the two plans had so many differences.

Just because she's a girl, there were starking differences in my plans on what I'll allow, how I'll educate her, what all she can get and what she can't. It looked more like the thought brought out the stricter me from within me, than the loving, caring woman, a mother should be.

She shouldn't be doing this...She's a girl and will be married and expected to behave in such and such manner...she's a girl and may not get that much independence in her new home.... The thoughts were all constraining.

I think the idea of bringing my girl into a world where there are so many disparities and so many boundaries for women, I would be deeply hurt to see a tender soul and a piece of my heart, going through the same difficulties as I have..as I still go through.

It all sounds as if it's ages old world that I'm talking of, but no! This world is where my Mom lived, this is the same world where my Mom-in-law lived, and this is the same world where I'm expected to live. It hasn't changed much.

Only the outer layer changes, but internally everything is the same...the beliefs, the traditions, the mind-set.

The only way that mind set can change is if the younger generation, the upcoming generation says 'no' to following these blind traditions. A firm NO.

But, call it the poor destiny of Indians and India, the nation, you can break any legal law or rule, but breaking a tradition, a family belief is equal to breaking ties with your family.

I doubt many of us would go that far.

Till that time, I can just pray to God to not give me a daughter.