Opposite of Love : Quote

"The opposite of Love is not Hatred. It's Apathy" 
- Amish Tripathy in his book "The Secret of the Nagas"

Phoenix times

I had a terrible time in US. It was the time when I practically died and was reborn. In those times, I was totally alone. I was totally shattered. I wanted to die but death doesn't come to those who want it. I wanted to kill myself but that needs a hell lot of courage. I didn't have that either. The day my SP Jain result came, I went into a trance for almost a week. I don't remember what happened. I don't remember what I did in those days. And, it's not now that I can't remember it, even then, 2 days later, I couldn't recollect what had happened in those days. I just remembered the day the result came.
After lot of crying, cursing, sulking, and hitting myself, I gathered myself. I engulfed myself with work. I am glad I had my group of girls around me who supported me by just talking to me. I never told them the mess I was or the mess my life had become, but it was still a healing thing talking to them.


I had lost everything I had. I never followed the world's rules and always made my own. I doubted my conviction now. I always followed my heart for decisions. I had no heart left in me. I made no decisions anymore. I used to laugh out loud with everyone and anyone. I stopped talking to people. Even the girls I used to talk, I never talked personal things. I just listened to what they had to say. I used to look at guys, I stopped. I used to watch movies, I stopped. I used to enjoy going out, I stopped. I just followed the routine.


I called my parents a few days later and told them I want to get married and you can start looking for a match. They were so relieved, I could feel it in their voice, even when they didn't say anything about it.


The time for my going back to India came. I reached home after a complete 6 months. 11 January'2009 - 17 June'2009. People used to crib on how different it feels when you return to India from US. I never felt like that. On the contrary, USA felt like a long dream which had ended. Nothing looked changed in India. That's what home is. Nothing had changed for me in my surroundings...in my external. But, internally, everything had changed. There was nothing left of the girl who went to US 6 months ago.


I used to be a dull girl professionally. My eyes had opened to so many things now. My heart used to be a constant wanderer looking for new pastures. The search had not just ended, it started looking pointless. I always wanted to find love in my life. I now hated the word 'love'. I disliked slow songs, serious movies, romantic novels. I just liked things practical, worldly.


My dad had been looking for matches for me ever since I told him to. He was looking for them on Jeevansaathi avidly. I came to know the intensity of his search and his dedication only when I returned, when my mom and my brother told me about it. I was anyways, too removed from these things...anything even remotely connected to love.


I had totally succumbed myself to whatever fate had in store for me. I had decided that I would not get love in my life again. Marriage simply means compromises and responsibilities and happiness for my parents. That's the reason I am going to marry. And, if I am marrying for their happiness, I would not create any fuss on the person they chose.


All this resulted in the fact that, before anyone knew, on 14 August,2009, I was engaged. Not even a month before I had landed back to India. The person chosen for me had nothing I had ever looked for in a boy. He was the kind I wouldn't even give a second look perhaps, if given a choice. Even before I had met him, I had this clear in my mind.
1. My parents like him and desperately want things to go through.
2. I want my parents to be happy.
So, I let things happen.


But, as they say, whatever happens, happens for good. That's what happened. I never ever imagined God would be so kind to me. I have never felt so blessed ever before.

Cute Guy

Met a cute guy in office today...

Actually, a team member caught hold of this shy guy and the first girl he could see on his way was me. He brought him near me, and said this is "Ad*****, SV Expert". The guy was so red, you should have seen his face.

Reminded me of college...similar incidence...a shy guy, teased by his friends. :D

I get a hit when I see a guy going red blush. :D My husband is one of them.

Heheheh! You can well imagine what I do to him to get that hit. Love to tease him exactly when he can't take it. Like in public. Now, he's got used to it a bit. So, the fun's fading a lil.

But, today was fun. HAHAHA!

My friend - You n I

This poem is written for an anguished soul, who hasn't been able to find peace since quite some time now...

You say Life is about making a mark, I say life is about making mistakes.

You say life is about devotion, loyalty and passion, I say life is all about experiments.

You say 'Life is about doing something for others', I say 'Charity begins at home :) '

You say 'I loved you and I'll never be able to love again....', I say ' ... :) How do you know? You never gave it another chance!'

Live you life, my friend!! Don't bind it into empty rules and beliefs. Life begins when you throw away the rulebook.

Hope you find peace.

Smiles,

Swati

My Mother-in-Law

I need to write this. I don't know by the end of this post, I'll be on the positive side or the other, but I need to get my thoughts sorted out.

My Mother-in-Law is a.... lady. I don't know what adjective to put there. She's been too good to me. She's been the reason of my sorrows at other times. I remember the first night after I got married, I cried. I cried not because I was missing my parents. I cried because she had commented on something my parents had given in marriage to the relatives here...sarees, I guess. All had returned with a negative feedback saying they didn't like it. I hated it when people/anyone commented on my parents. I hated it when the reason were petty like formalities and gifts. As per me, I never wanted any kind of dowry to be given in my marriage. Despite all efforts, despite heavy fights between me and my father, they did give 'gifts' which are supposed to be just gifts and not dowry.

On top of it, she said people didn't like it, as if expecting me to tell my parents about it. I fought with Tarun on it.

Later, I realised that it's her habit of saying whatever is on her mind. She doesn't really care on what's given and what's not. She has a habit of saying anything and everything that comes to her mind. A way of off-loading. Hmmmm. But, the incident left a scar somewhere.

We had our own settlement issues. There were lot of times when I was extremely difficult. I wouldn't say anything about what's troubling me, but would keep my face low. Extremely low. It was the most disrespectful thing to do. But, that's what I am. I can't hide my emotions. If I've a problem, and if I can't say it, my body language will say it.

She has this queer thing of asking everything. What you bought? What you talked? What you do at office? What you eat? She has too many questions. These questions used to irk me a lot. They still do. I have a feeling that these questions are not to poke into me, but only to be a part of our lives. Just to make a conversation sometimes. But, I like to have my own personal life. I can't explain each and every tit bit to her. While I do try to, whenever I'm in a good mood, I get irritated when am tired myself.

She's more of a people's person. She likes to meet people. She like to go out with people. I, on the other hand, like to spend time with my family (me, Tarun and my kid, with papaji-mummyji, at max). She wants to invite people over if we're planning a get-away. And, if we are reluctant, she starts with her lecture on how we should be open-armed to everyone. One enjoys more with everyone. Since these people are mostly my sisters-in-law and their kids, it's an amazing time for everyone in the family but me. :( I don't know if it's my fault that I don't enjoy as much with them, or is it simply my nature that am reserved.

The part that's making me worst at the moment is her habit of keep giving me work-orders. Whenever I'm on a holiday or have a weekend, she tries to keep me working all the time. I initially thought that I have a problem with working that's why I get so irritated. I tried to mend my ways. But, then I realised that even if I finish up the work that's there in house generally, she cooks up some new work for me. Basically, she doesn't let me relax. She even tries to know what I do in office. She feels I waste time and come home. These feelings make me terrible and feel like blowing up on the world.

But, I know these are all negative feelings which are coming to the surface right now as the weekend has just passed by.

When I start looking at her good side, they are enumerous too. If it hadn't been for her, I don't know where and how my son would have been taken care of. I'm able to work without any issue because she's taking care of him, and good care of him back home. Me n Tarun even get to catch up on some late-night movie once in a while, because she is there to look after him. These are the benefits none of my friends-with-kids have. And, none of their kids is as well-taken care of. And, also, not to forget the simple things she does to make us happy. She's not much of a gift-person, but she makes sure to get a bouquet or a gift for me on my bday. She came to know that coz of work, we two couldn't go out on Valentine's Day, so she specially made Halwa for us, to commemorate the day. She cries and gets really upset if she sees me crying. She allowed me many things which I know were not easy for her.

Despite all her goodness, I cannot help getting agitated at the small but daily issues I face coz of her habits. She has toned down herself a lot for me in these passing years. She will continue to do if I keep telling her or discuss with amicably. She is just another ageing lady who wants love and attention and respect from her kids.

I hope am able to do justice to her.

God, be with me.

Home

It's close to 1.5 yrs since I got married. I have a home where I go everyday. Eat, Sleep, Laugh, Cry..Live. But still, whenever my heart is heavy, and I wish to relax and unwind myself, I think of home. The home is my Dad's home.

And I've a feeling this will remain so for a long time to come.

I wish I had my 'own' home. Sigh!

My puchka on Janmashtami

The Trinity

This post is a part of my continuous quest towards understanding God, Life and my position in the scheme of things. Readers may/may not find it too valid but for religion, I believe in the mantra "To each one, It's own". So, should you.

I have always believed in God inside oneself. It’s not in any idols, it’s not in any one above us, it’s within us. In each one of us. Despite that, I’ve always respected all the idols, all the mythical Gods that Hindu scriptures have detailed. I believe that they all once existed, if you talk of Lord Rama or Lord Krishna and they are all true. I believe in these myths. Yet, I believe in one God, one energy, one common thing that binds us all.

As per the Hindu mythology, there are 3 major Gods we have – The Brahma, the creator of this earth. Lord Vishnu, the balance keeper, the one who maintains everything on this earth, and Lord Shiva, the destroyer.

I think this all started with the Big Bang Theory, just as Science claims the earth started. One common ball of energy divided itself into small pieces to give us life as is. Now, consider the ball of energy to be God – one, united, single God. That energy went and placed itself into all the things we call ‘living’.

Now, how do you differentiate between living and non-living? Anything that can grow, maintain and reproduce is called living. Pre-dominantly. Or, I can fairly say that anything that has the 3 types of God vesting in itself is living. Every living thing has god in it and has the 3 features/attributes of god in it – the Brahma, the Vishnu and the Shiva.

Now, if I have Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva in me then how is it coming into effect?

The world I have around me is formed by my thoughts and by my actions. Whether it is the emotional world around me, or the physical world around me… whether it’s the materialistic part of my world or the non-materialistic things. They all are part of my world because I’ve intended them to be a part of my world. If society is part of my world then I’ve consciously made it a part. If family is a part of my world, then that is also my decision. The home I live in, the people I interact with, every bit is created and put together by me. And, this is the same reason why every individual has a different world. A different world, a different set of circumstances. That’s why everyone has unique challenges in life, and unique solutions to get past those challenges. Two people may share their worlds together due to common links but at the bottom of it all, everyone has a different world, which has been created by them, for themselves. This was the Brahma part of them.

Since each one of us has a different world, each one of us maintains it differently. Working in that world is the Vishnu part of us.

And the things we banish from our worlds, in terms of people, or beliefs or values is the Shiva part of us working.

So, effectively God has given us the powers of Lord Brahma, Lord Vishnu and Lord Shiva. We can create the world in which we live, as we wish. We can run it the way we want and we can destroy the things we don’t want.

Why should one work for the nation?

Nowadays, Anna Hazare is the latest trend. He’s working on getting a bill passed so that corruption can be removed from the Indian society. There are lot of people following his cause and doing their bit in promoting it.

In all this hue and cry, I wondered, where does this fit in God’s scheme of things? When all of this is a myth and nothing of this matter at the end of my life, then why should I work for it?

The answer that comes to me is “For the good of people coming next in this life”.

When we’re working for the country, we’re working to give a better future to the next coming generations. We’re trying to make their lives better when they come into this world. If you look at everyone as a part of the same soul that all of us started from, then the success of each one of us to reach Him ultimately is important. More the people reach/work on the same path to reach God, stronger and happier the world will be. If all of us think in the same line, the same happens to the earth.

In satyug, everyone thought of peace, happiness and communal harmony. Everyone worked for everyone’s good and not just owns. That’s why everyone was happy. People worked and lived happily together.

Today, in Kalyug, everyone thinks of their own self. More so, they are jealous of others being happy. Hence, there is a general sense of tension and hatred and mistrust all over. No one wants to help anyone. When even after a bomb blast, people get back to work it’s not their resilience playing its role. It’s actually their indifference and selfishness which is working there. It’s nothing more than their curiosity to see what’s happening that makes them stop and look for the dead/injured people. They ultimately just feel sad and move on.

It’s important for everyone to be like-minded and working for the general good. I don’t care if that happens through Communism or Democracy or Secularism, but that’s what will lead to a better life for everyone.

Mera Desh

Hum azaad hue 1947 mein...

Lekin hum aaj phir ghulaam hain....

Bhook ke,.... Bhrastachaar ke, .... aur Aatankwaad ke.

Ab zaroorat hai Bapu banne ki, Bhagat Singh banne ki..

Desh ko aazaad karane ki, khud aazaad hone ki

Humein phir azaad hona hai...

Humein phir azaad hona hai!

Kids know it all!

My son is a petty 4-month old child. He's caught cold and cough. Yesterday, when we were trying to give him medicine, this funny incident happened.

He usually cries if you take him in godi and then put him down. He accepts it only if he's sleepy. So, when we put him down to give medicine, he started to cry a bit. His father wanted him to cry because that way he takes the medicine properly, else he spills it around but won't take it in. Now, when the smart chap saw that we have medicines in our hands. he stopped crying and closed his mouth tightly. We waited for a few minutes that he'll cry, but he didn't. He kept looking straight into his Dad's eyes and waited for him to retrieve. :) :)

It was such an amusing incidence, to see such a small baby to understand what's happening around and react so aptly. It was fun!

Live it before it ends!

I started reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom, after reading a friend's post about it. While reading the book, I remembered how it was so similar to the book "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. I had read the former a long time ago, perhaps an year or so, ago. Both the books are written by people who know they're about to die in a few months/years time, and wish to make the most of their lives in this departing time.

I always feel very encouraged and charged up after reading these books.

But, in some time, the charge fades away.

I was thinking, what should I do to keep it alive always?

The answer came: Ask yourself every night "Is there anything you wish to do in case you die tomorrow? Is there anything you MUST do right now?"

This way I think I'll always have my priorities right and keep doing things I always wish to do. This may also help me in not worrying too much about the petty issues of life like Work, Relations, House Rent etc.

Hope to remember it!