As time is ticking and days pass on, I feel the life slipping on. Actually, I feel like the life has already ended. What do you call life? Just breathing and living on doesn't mean life. Not at this age at least. Life means Dreams, Aspirations, Hopes. Isn't it?
When we were young, there were so many things to look forward to. There would be our annual exams to ace at, there would be the cultural fest coming up, even an inter-school competition.
The dreams of finding that special someone and living rosy-dreams with him. Then the aspirations of becoming a successful person professionally.
Choosing the profession, which changes every week... when the best friend comes up with something new.
Life is full of so many things to look forward to. That's what we knew life to be. Living the 'life'.
But now, we're grown ups. We have a job, we've a family, we've homes, our partners are chosen.
No more dreaming of jobs, no more dreaming of best looking men, no more interest in that sexy, sleezy outfit Kareena is wearing in her new movie.
You know where you stand. You know what you are. You know where you will be even 20 years down the lane.
How could it have been any different? I think the death of it all occurs when you get married.
Ya! I know I've got a great spouse as a partner. And not everyone is lucky in that department. So rather than blaming him, I should be blaming anything else. But the fact is that it is this very marriage, as created by our society which kills, slowly and brutally, everything in life. It's not the fault of the people involved in it. It's just the society and its working.
Does that mean all hope is lost for me? I have nothing to look forward to in my life?
Well, I'm hoping to take some inspiration from her. (http://www.30before30project.com/p/come-along-for-ride.html)
Re-quoting her words "growing older doesn’t have to be dreadful if you live every year like it’s your last."
When we were young, there were so many things to look forward to. There would be our annual exams to ace at, there would be the cultural fest coming up, even an inter-school competition.
The dreams of finding that special someone and living rosy-dreams with him. Then the aspirations of becoming a successful person professionally.
Choosing the profession, which changes every week... when the best friend comes up with something new.
Life is full of so many things to look forward to. That's what we knew life to be. Living the 'life'.
But now, we're grown ups. We have a job, we've a family, we've homes, our partners are chosen.
No more dreaming of jobs, no more dreaming of best looking men, no more interest in that sexy, sleezy outfit Kareena is wearing in her new movie.
You know where you stand. You know what you are. You know where you will be even 20 years down the lane.
How could it have been any different? I think the death of it all occurs when you get married.
Ya! I know I've got a great spouse as a partner. And not everyone is lucky in that department. So rather than blaming him, I should be blaming anything else. But the fact is that it is this very marriage, as created by our society which kills, slowly and brutally, everything in life. It's not the fault of the people involved in it. It's just the society and its working.
Does that mean all hope is lost for me? I have nothing to look forward to in my life?
Well, I'm hoping to take some inspiration from her. (http://www.30before30project.com/p/come-along-for-ride.html)
Re-quoting her words "growing older doesn’t have to be dreadful if you live every year like it’s your last."
You are so right about all that life being about dreams, aspirations thing. I concur. Life is nothing without new dreams and aspirations to achieve.
ReplyDeleteWhy does marriage kill everything I want to understand that ? I know it does, but why ?
Why cant we live like few people who live abroad, trying different things every year, taking vacations, quitting jobs and I don't know what else but just live. I don't know if that happens with everyone but at least some people do seem to live like that. For example a few days back I saw a couple from Switzerland travelling in local from Andheri to Churchgate. They seemed to be in their 50s and they had come to explore the world, spend some time in India and they were alone. They were telling a fellow passenger that they had been travelling across the world whenever they felt like for 20-30 years. They enjoyed their jobs, and they loved travelling. They were married, yet they seemed happy :P
Well, I can write another post for that. But to brief, just imagine yourself at home, living with your parents, and then planning something like joining dance classes (sth totally weird or un-understood by your parents). Then think of convincing them of it. I think you've got the picture. Try explaining them why you want to spend so much money on doin a crappy entrepreneur thing. The thing maybe dear to you, you may believe in its success, they won't. And, most times, we lose our zeal and wish to try even, there itself.
DeleteIn your life, you want to do things which may be weird to others but not to you. That freedom to chose your life is available outside (coz ppl live separate from their parents as soon as they hit adolescence) but not in India. And, that will always be the major problem.
Parents never understood why you need to spend 10K on a tennis racquet or a camera. I hope you got the gist.
Yeah
ReplyDeleteI don know if all that really made any sense to you, but anyways. To put it all in one line " Have you ever seen an Indian couple do that?"
DeleteSwati Mam ...I really love the way you forthrightly put everything you feel here , no bubble-wrapping you know.
ReplyDeleteBeing a married woman myself, I totally understand what you say and go through.Even with an understanding partner and in-laws, life is still not the same.Its this institution of marriage!And still, as Sid said , there are many couples who are living their lives - just the way they love.It all seems so contradictory.
You are right - that prep for cultural fest , exams , interviews,butterflies in stomach to see a cute guy staring at you or something - its all gone.Those friends are gone too.At office , I
sometimes feel, I don't have anybody to just talk nonsense too.I feel so serious in office - and generally.When did life become so serious?Where did all my friends go?
It's an answer you , I and many of our friends have to look for.
I don't know about others, but you and I will definitely find an answer:)
You dont have anyone for nonsense talks ? Strange
DeleteShut up, Sid!
Delete@Deeksha: I can so relate. I have found new friends and I talk a lot with them. But, it's not the same. It's not that heart-relieving kind of talk that we used to do, or could do. It's like except your husband, if you feel like talking to anyone, there's no one. You know you can reach out to many of your old friends and they would definitely listen...but something has changed. Something that has created a distance there. And which cannot be mended.
DeleteI do hope we are able to find a solution to that, and achieve a life which is actually a life.
Interesting topic appended with interesting comments....somehow what you married people say scares me but I will be interested in listening to your spouse's side too ... I am saying so because I feel myself and Sid (since we don't have any other male in this thread at present I will talk for ourselves) somehow have the same feeling about how life should be lived after you are married, so just to put it in an irrational way we just need a willing partner to embark on that fun filled journey of enjoying life after marriage, the way those Swiss couple are doing. .. Rationally I know, as you girls are experiencing, there are many obstacles that will prevent that from happening but if both the partners are willing and the thought is mutually present then it can still be something that can be planned of
ReplyDeleteWell, things look much different when you see from the other side. And, I don't blame you, I would have thought the same. But, truly, just as I said in the post, it doesn't matter who the partners are, how coherent they are on their wishes, things are tough. I won't say impossible, but difficult to achieve. It's much simpler outside in 1-st world countries.
Delete