Dhoom2

Watching Dhoom2 again. I think I started liking Hrithik Roshan with this movie only.
It's all a killer combination.

Hrithik Roshan in his perfect body in a perfectionist role. Couldn't get enough of him in the movie.
Ash lookin stunning hot in the song - crazy kiya re and in the whole movie.
And, Karan Johar, the director. He actually knows how to dress up people and bring out their stunning selves.

Again, the reason why he should cast Ash in the movie version of "Shiva Trilogy".
This is the only way he can do justice to the movie.

Ohh! Back to the movie! :)

some 'me' time

With Tarun gone for seeing the rental places, I've today for 'me' time and there's so much I wanna do, I don't know how to go about it. I want to catch up with FB and friends. I also want to watch a movie on TV or YouTube. Then, I also want to do some craft stuff I've been achingly wishing to do. 

Don't know which one to pick. Ohh, lemme rush!

BANGALORE!

Well, as expected, as discussed, I have finally moved to Bangalore.

It's been crazy right from the word 'go'. Whether we think from the time when we were in the decision-making phase, or when we were in the resignation-shifting-moving phase, or now, when we've shifted. I don't know how this could be but if I'm really honest on my blogs, then the one thing I'll have to be honest about is that this was an impromptu decision. Even now, I and Tarun think if it was a right thing to do. Somehow the decision, the move is not getting permanent and perfect.

Normally, when you take a decision, you stick to it and you're ready for the consequences. Here, every time some hiccup comes, we're back to the decision-making phase, and asking ourselves or each other - 'Was it the right thing to do to uproot everything, a very happily settled life, for this?'

Well, I don't know if it was right or not, I'm blaming fate for it, but I'm not running back. I'm going to see through this and see what and why was I brought here.

So, to quickly pen down the highlights of the journey so far, here you go!

We reached Bangalore on 10 September 2012, Saturday, at 12.00 PM. Well, what was the first impression of Bangalore? With sign boards of start-up companies hanging from every other balcony, you feel like you've arrived in a dream-fulfilling dream. The city lures you to start dreaming. Whether you're a milk man or you're an IT consultant with no life, every one has the capability and the possibility of becoming a honcho tomorrow. Just dream big.
It felt like, Finally I've arrived!

But, the start-ups, are exactly what pops your balloon when you land into one.
I never mentioned about the company I had the offer from and for which I left the comfortable life. Well, it is kind-of-a-start-up. It's growing fast. The name's being well known in my professional circles. So, I was not expecting a company sitting in a residential area. Well, they are not exactly in a residential place. They have two offices, in very good parts of the city, and one upcoming in Whitefield. But, somehow, I still wasn't ready for even this much of a startup. I never knew but I was acclimated to a certain amount of standards in the company and I never knew they can falter in new ones. Like the coffee machine is supposed to be always working. If it's broken there's always a second machine available to go n pick ur tea from. So, as it was to be, the machine broke in my office and no one turns up to fix it for the whole day. It's only when I left the office due to a head-ache, and come back the next day, do I find the machine fixed.

So, to summarize, I can tell you that am not totally settled in my company. Please don't mention it anywhere. Am still struggling with accepting this fact. Tarun is not ready to accept it either.

Now, if facilities were not enough to unsettle me, I meet my Manager. Phew! The guy doesn't speak, or speaks in such low voice, it instantly puts me off. If there's one thing a manager should have, is confidence in himself and some amount of command in his voice. I don't know if it's a prerequisite for me, or it is something they also teach in B-schools. If they don't, they should. Having worked under numerous managers, I'm wary of those who don't have a strong voice. They always end up as the tame sorts, whom anyone can come and say anything, and they won't retaliate. They never have the capability to stand up for you in important forums. They never are able to represent the team in the positive light, they're supposed to. So, this guy is totally that. I've to stretch my ear till my leg to hear what he's saying.
To add to it, he's seeming to be a womanizer too - a trait I've sincerely come to despise. I don't need a tag of womanizer managers favoring me and my growth. I've worked hard and earned it myself, and there have been no untoward favors anywhere. Why should I be looked down upon or questioned just because someone else has a problem with his attitude?
The guy takes the girls of his team out for lunch while casually neglecting the guys in the team. Idiot! I hate him already. Such people think they are favoring the ladies but in reality, they are actually doing damages to them. You're supposed to be gentle to the ladies but you do not need to take sides.

Anyways, this is Bangalore. People change jobs more often than they change their shoes. So, if I can't find something befitting me here then I can't find it anywhere.

Lemme add a amusing incident to spice up the post. I get a call from a consultant for a job opening from a big name. He says 'the company is in Whitefield. Will you be able to manage commuting?' I said, 'yes, why not? That's why I'm applying, right?!'
He: 'Well, there are lot of people who say it's very far off from our place so we can't manage'
Me: 'That's a luxury Bnglr people can afford. Noida people are not used to it.'

Seriously! In Noida, the companies are so numbered that leaving a company just because it's a little far from home, seems outrageous. Maybe, in a few months, I'll get used to it too.

Hey, one more thing. The people are great. Helping. Despite being the IT hub and growing leaps and bounds, when you talk to someone, ask them for help or anything, they will talk to you as if they have no other work to do. Feels like North India and North-Indians are real trash in humanity standards. We really need to work on our skills there.
That's all for now. Ciao!

Question

What is the best profession you would suggest, for a person who loses interest if he finds someone else doing it. I mean, the person wants to be the best and the only person doing such a job.

Please do comment. You can leave anonymous answers if you're uncomfortable putting names to yourself/you reply.

N d days are numbered..

Well, a short update before I head on for the new phase of my life. :)

My flight to Bangalore is on Saturday. Most busy with packing, dreaming, planning, thinking and re-thinking.
After much discussion, I gave in to the practical solution. So, for now, it would be me and Tarun who would go to Bangalore. Anay will stay back with his Amma/Baba. It's good he's small. I wouldn't want him to go through the same tormented time as me.

No one is giving much thought on my emotions of leaving him behind. It seems like everyone thinks it's not big a deal. Maybe because my SIL's have left their kids to my MIL for some time, at some point in their lives. Or, maybe, because I don't come across as a person with lots of emotions and attachments. ($%#%^#$%#$)???????????

I went to my parents' home yesterday. Mom was not keeping well. She has been diagnosed with sugar problem and it shooted to 400 yesterday, while she was at work. My Dad never mentioned that to me, and casually told me about it, so that I don't get worried, and don't come running. I went anyways. I knew he would never give me the real picture so better I go and see her, before I leave for the far-far-place.
And, as expected, my Dad had hidden the picture from me, as I found that my Mom was in hospital. Though it was more of a precautionary thing but I think, I have complete right to know the real picture. Sometimes, it makes me feel so distant and so much a stranger to them. It feels very sad. Anyways, I know that the truth is because they are trying to save me from the tension. They knew I was super-busy with packing and all and had no time. But, still.
I would rather like to know the complete damage and deal with it than keep wondering. :( :-/

Things are moving fine at work. It's a week for parties and farewells. I've one farewell lunch today, then another on Friday. Friday will be my last.

Well, this being my second switch, my feelings are very different. When I left my last company,  I was aching to leave it so my last day came as a big happiness to me. But, here, I actually liked it. I'll miss it. I'll miss my colleague, Aanchal. If I could come back here without being at logger-heads with her professionally, I would love to. I wish I could come back to this. I sincerely wish so.

Don't know where life will take me. It seems surprising to be leaving a company when you were so settled in it. But, life springs surprises at you. So, there I am. Taking it in my stride.

So, my dear friend Life, let's go!!

Change

Change is the way of life. People change too.

The Gita says the body changes too. you had a different body when you were a kid, you have a different one now since you're an adult.

A friend once told me that when you try to change someone, something else will change too. So, make changes cautiously. 

I've always remembered it and tried not to make any changes to my partner.

But, one brings a lot of changes, no matter they wish it or not. Yesterday, Tarun was mentioning that how is preference for movies has changed. He also doesn't feel like going for the violent movies that mostly guys love (Gangs of Wasseypur II was in question, which I had refused to go to). He said whether one likes it or not, it happens. 

I thought silently, was I pushing my opinion on him all this time? No. I always try to hear what he wants to do. If he even as much as says it, I try to accompany him to what he wants to do. But, he never says much.

Is that a problem? Well, no. I think that's the way he is. Is there a problem with me? Am I too imposing? No. That's the way I've always been. Am I doing something deliberate to change him? No. I'm changing him just by existing with him.

I really loved and liked the person I married. I still love the person I married. 

But, will I be able to love the person I'm changing him into? I am not sure. I'm scared on that. 

There are changes which I'm seeing in him which I'm not liking. They are not changes I wished but they are perhaps caused by me.  Can I do something to revert those changes? Can I do something to not cause any further changes? Well....

I know of one thing which could be my problem and reason for his changes. I could work on it and try to fix it.

But, haven't I always known the problem and consciously tried to avoid it? Yes, I have. But, that is the way I am. And, if I change myself, then isn't it again the defeat of all purpose?

I think change is inevitable. You cannot fight it. You can just hope its a positive one. And, if its not, then hope you're able to deal with it.

Marriage and expectations

The mother of all grievances is expectations.

When you're mature enough to understand this, you try to keep your expectations low. You try to avoid keeping expectations from strangers. But, you cannot help expecting certain help, certain warmth from your family members.

So, when you are old enough and still grieving, it's mostly because your family didn't match up to your expectations. Is it wrong to have expectations from your family? I think, no.

What do you do when they fail to do what you expected?

If you're a man, or an unmarried lady, you would say, shout at them, howl at  them, or maybe cry it out, and get over it. 

But, if you're a married woman, what do you do? If the family in question is your in-laws, of course, you don't shout or howl. You don't think you matter enough to them as much as their son or daughters. You don't think they understand you. You know for a fact that anything you say to them will go down as ego-hurt. So, you take the best and the only route available. You just sit in a corner and let the moment/feeling pass away.

If the family is your own parents, you don't say anything because you feel distanced. You feel disappointed. If they don't understand you then who would? If they don't know you and your expectations after being your blood-parents, how can you expect anyone else to understand you. You feel like they no more care for you and all that is left of the relation is the formalities. They don't tell you if they don't like anything of you, and you don't tell them if something they said or did, pinched you. You don't want to hurt them, especially from that distance. You just grieve in solace. 

(PS: If it's your spouse, then I think each one choses her own way of sorting the matter :P)

You would think you can share your problems with your husband. You can at least go to him and grieve your heart out. But, you know what, the irony is that even telling him is no more an option. You cannot go to him and tell him that you have problems with his mother, or his sisters! He may listen to you but would he understand? For how long can he continue to listen wrong things about his own siblings? 

Is it fair on him to force him to this torture? 

Is it fair on the world to put the woman to this torture?

When you're young, unmarried, you just want companionship. Someone with whom you can share your dreams, your future, your life. You know there will be problems but you never knew the problems are not going to be external, they are going to be internal. 

The woman is removed from her family, put in another family, expected to accept it, expected to change for it, expected to forget everything she learned to believe in, or live for. She's left lonely. Instead of giving her the support she thought she would get, you deprive her of all the support she ever knew, for her. 

It is so lonely.

I've been married for 2 years and I've still not been able to appreciate the concept society penned. I don't understand why it is the way it is. I don't know why the society makes it so unbearable to live happily with a person you actually want to live with. If it was not for the society, the world would be a much better place to live in.

Cooking

CAUTION: 

I feel like blogging the whole day today.

I don't know if I will but bear it as long as you can.

Post1: Cooking

In my 2 yrs experience in the kitchen, I've realized one thing. If you want to make anything yummy, anything at all, just fry the ingredients/vegetables in ghee before you go on with your regular recipe. The thing will turn out awesome. 

And, if you want to add more to it, just add some nuts (kajoo esp) to the gravy.

I've tried and tested it on paneer lababdar, pindi chana(chhole), veg biryani, fried idli...etc etc

Don't tell me its so unhealthy. I already know it and that's why am not happy with this solution. I wish there was an alternative to this greasy option. I like tasty food and I don't think one needs to abstain from yummy things to live longer and healthier. I want to eat everything, okay with moderation.

Decisions / Career choices

As you grow up to become an adult, there will be times when you reflect on your life. On such occasions, you would be able to pin-point on specific times in your life which changed your life considerably. Though everything that happens in our lives, has some significance and some effect on the future of our lives, but we fail to notice it, at that moment.

For example, even a simple act of eating our regular food, there could be a chance that we're eating a rotten eggplant that had a small part of it going bad, and the cook failed to notice it. It chance-happened to fall in your portion of the plate and you ended up having food-poisoning. 

Or, even the regular tea you take in your office is the cause of your acidity and it is not noticeable right now, but will show up in a time-span of 5 yrs.

Well, the post is not about the small nothings and how stupid things affect ur stomach. The post is about the decisions I took in my life which changed or defined my career. Some of the people may like to call it 'mistakes' of my life. But, whatever they were, they define my career and Me.

1. US trip 2009: Well, it was everything a turning point could have. Sudden, dramatic, all-previous-plans-busted or halted, complete life changed and in a matter of a week. The life was going boring and routine. I was preparing for MBA entrance. My preparation was going solid. My CAT had already happened. My office project was about to end. I reached office having the expectation of some free time for a few days, no work and hopefully some new novels to read. But, as turning points are, my manager informed me through a mail, that I've a client-interview slated for that evening. That-very-evening. He didn't even feel the need to at least call me and give me a head start. Well, as luck would have it. I decided to just give it my best and forget it. I knew it was for a client sitting in US and I'll have to go there if I cleared it but I didn't dwell on that part much. My track record of interviews was so bad that I had no reasons to believe or think otherwise. :P So, I had my interview at 9.30 PM (or, was it 10.30 PM?) Well, it was short. He asked me a few questions, answered more himself than me, and ended the interview in half-an-hour. I never thought it would be much. I had my XAT the coming weekend so I better concentrate on that. I did.

While returning from my examination hall with my Dad, when I switched my phone back on, I had received a msg from my colleague that I had got through my interview and was supposed to fly to US within a week's time. Bamm! 

Life taken a 360 degree turn and a fast-forward. 

I never knew or thought the trip would change so much of me, so much for me, so much within me. 

It did. The experience was not a pleasant one. But, it is a cherished one. And life is much better and different from what it was.

Moral: Fate is more powerful than you. And, sometimes it's wiser than you too.

2. Bangalore visit, 2010: A cousin brother working at a good post. Offers me a good position at one of the leading giants in Computers. The position is of Program Manager. I would have to give a dummy interview to a manager in Bangalore. I was already slated to travel to Bangalore for a week with Tarun anyways. Wow! 

I am worn out of my job at HCL. I have been dying to move out of it and get into another company. If I don't, I would perhaps just quit my career and sit at home than waste my time and energy working here. I am looking forward to the opportunity given to me by my big-brother. 

But, as I reach there, as I get to understand the opportunity more, I realize its something that people talk of, getting job through connections, just because you know someone powerful, you're there. Despite being desperate for a job change, despite the role being my dream role, I turned it down. 

I don't think I could have survived the knowledge that I'm having the job because a brother of mine is sitting there above. I'm working because the world is dirty and unfair. I'm earning my livelihood, my salary, because of someone's favors. 

After 2 months of declining the offer, I received my offer letter from Cadence. The position was earned. The salary was mine and received because of my work, not because of a connection. 

Moral : There maybe easier paths in life which may give you better and faster results but they ask for something lot more in return, and that's your conscience.

3. Bangalore again, 2012: The decision is taken. But, I'm not able to stick to it. As yet. Every time, every weekend, I revisit and something irks me to revisit it. Sometimes its a remark from some friend. Sometimes its Anay falling sick and me thinking on how I'm going to take care of him alone. Other times, its my insides talking to me and asking me on the real reasons for my decision.

Well, its a long story. But, the important part is, this is a time when am leaving a secure space, a settled position, a job, for unknown. For challenges.

It turns out to be a mistake or first step towards growth, is yet to be known. Time's running fast. I'll know the results soon.

The Moral is to be learnt yet.

But, am sure it's going to go down as an important turning point in my career/life.

Prayers for Bobby

I saw this movie last night. On Youtube. And, I can only say that every individual on this earth should watch this movie. Must watch this movie.

It's a movie about Gay people and how they need to be accepted and not ridiculed. It's a very moving movie which tells you the simple fact - Life is more important than the rules and the preachings of the society/man/bible. 

Love your loved ones. For what they are. For you may lose them tomorrow for silly prejudices and you will have no one else but yourself to blame. Save them before it's too late.

http://www.prayersforbobby.com/

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1073510/

Or, you can search it and watch it on YouTube.

Turbulence

The times are tumultuous. I'm having opposing thoughts every half-an-hour. One minute my thoughts are tilting towards going to Bangalore and the next hour, I'm totally against it and checking my sanity. I'm continuously explaining myself the goods of the decision. And, I'm continuously warring with my thoughts which are saying it's a good idea. 

I don't know if I'm making any sense any more. Forget to you, even to myself.

I told Tarun let's go for a short break. Let's go somewhere. But, God is just not ready to give me a respite, yet. This weekend I really needed to go somewhere. I was ready to go anywhere, even if it meant just going to next door for a break. But, as luck would have it, I couldn't get it. I did go to my childhood friend's place. She recently delivered a baby and I was over-due to meet her. So, it was a respite. But, it was a short one. Happened and ended.

The weekend is over and am back in the grill. The work is not moving an inch. My mind is not letting my concentrate on my work and move forward even a bit. I'm busy fixing my mind the whole day in office. And, busy cursing myself of losing another of work, when am back at home. I think many people would call this Procrastination but I think this is a very tiring way of killing time. If anyone needs tips, please consult me in better times. I can write a book on 100 ways of killing time without taking any tension.

Any person I talk to, 'any-body-at-all', about my career decision, ridicules me. Now, this could be one of the two cases -

1. If everyone you meet in your lane is coming in the wrong direction, perhaps you are in the wrong lane. / 

the hindi adage 'vinaash kaale viparit budhhi'.

2. When you do something unusual, people ridicule you and say it cannot be done. When you achieve, they say, why wasn't it done before. 

Hope you get the dilemma. O Lord, am I losing it!?

Just let it be only me losing it. Hope I don't drive Tarun insane too in the process.

A Note to Self

Remember and Re-vise whenever you stand on such a conjunction ever in life.

There will be times when you would feel like it's all getting too much to handle. You don't know what next is going to happen in life. You'll feel that everything is going to go wrong and you'll lose everything you have built so far.

Stop! Stand firm. Close your eyes and take deep breaths. Remember the last time you were in the same situation. Remember? What happened? 

Right.

Nothing went wrong. Everything went fine. You may not have got what you planned for but God gave you something else which was far more better and made your life much much better, than you had planned initially.

You only fear that what if things went wrong. Don't fear. Trust God. Have faith in him. And, take the leap. The 'Leap of Faith.' If things went wrong, you have the capability, the strength to strike back. To stand up again. Just like you did then. And, every time it happens, you come back as a better person.

So, don't fear these times. These are opportunities which come in the garb of risks. Too many risks. So, rather than fearing, and feeling like running away - Smile Dear!

Your time is coming. :)