Having spent almost 2 yrs in marital life, I think I am eligible enough to give some gyaan to the people crossing the bridge now. Anyways, free gyaan/advice can be given without any experience also, so never mind. I'm breaking it into parts to maintain the importance of each. The first is about Courtship.
There are quite many friends of mine getting married around me. So, not thinking about my own courtship time and then marriage is simply unavoidable. I had one of the most happy and exciting courtship period and going by the statistics of Indian marriages, I should be amongst the most happy and satisfied married women. When I see the newbies, I lament for their loss when I see them wasting such a precious time like courtship in office or cribbing about work and preparations for the wedding.
Courtship is the time when you've met your partner, whose going to be with you forever, whom you're supposed to be infinitely in love, so much so that no one else seems to attract you or matter to you anymore. While some people say that when you're getting married, you will have all the time in the world after the marriage to know each other, to spend with each other etc. I beg to differ. If you've ever tried to differentiate between a wife and a girl-friend, you'll realize that the major difference is that after marriage there are so many societal responsibilities and things to be managed that you never get the twosome time you should. Both the people are busy getting things done. Courtship is the only time when you can give the other person a chance to become your dream-girl/boy. If you have never spent some care-free time together and are always busy discussing the groceries and rent-to-be-paid, how do you think you'll ever gel together. Courtship is the answer to all this. Hence, never waste anytime of your courtship.
To give a benchmark, I used to meet my husband daily...yes, daily, and no, we were not working in the same company. We had to make it work out. I used to go by metro instead of my office bus to be with him. He used to start at my time, come to my office, and the only time we used to get was while travelling from office to metro, which was around 40 minutes, +20 minutes which we used to average-ly snatch out somehow.
Second important thing, don't go by the norms. At least in matters of heart, let the heart rule and let mind take a nap. Just because something was done by some hero or heroine in a movie, you'll do it, is foolish. Make your own love story, define your own happy moments. Do what your heart says. After our roka/fix-up, I gate-crashed his office with a bouquet. This was within a week's time of roka. It was a surprise/shock visit. And, he was forced to leave everything he was working on and take me out. I know it's extremely foolish, unplanned but what's a story without any adventure/madness streak to it? Plus, I did what my heart told me to. "Mera mann aaya main kutta maar ke khaya" :P :D (For the un-bollywood people, this is a famous dialogue by a villian in a hindi movie..forgot the name of the movie..had urmila matondkar in it, that's all I can recollect).
So, moral of the story, nothing comes easy. If you want a relationship which is different from the average arranged marriage, you've to put in the extra effort, just like you are willing to do, in a self-chosen love relationship.
There are quite many friends of mine getting married around me. So, not thinking about my own courtship time and then marriage is simply unavoidable. I had one of the most happy and exciting courtship period and going by the statistics of Indian marriages, I should be amongst the most happy and satisfied married women. When I see the newbies, I lament for their loss when I see them wasting such a precious time like courtship in office or cribbing about work and preparations for the wedding.
Courtship is the time when you've met your partner, whose going to be with you forever, whom you're supposed to be infinitely in love, so much so that no one else seems to attract you or matter to you anymore. While some people say that when you're getting married, you will have all the time in the world after the marriage to know each other, to spend with each other etc. I beg to differ. If you've ever tried to differentiate between a wife and a girl-friend, you'll realize that the major difference is that after marriage there are so many societal responsibilities and things to be managed that you never get the twosome time you should. Both the people are busy getting things done. Courtship is the only time when you can give the other person a chance to become your dream-girl/boy. If you have never spent some care-free time together and are always busy discussing the groceries and rent-to-be-paid, how do you think you'll ever gel together. Courtship is the answer to all this. Hence, never waste anytime of your courtship.
To give a benchmark, I used to meet my husband daily...yes, daily, and no, we were not working in the same company. We had to make it work out. I used to go by metro instead of my office bus to be with him. He used to start at my time, come to my office, and the only time we used to get was while travelling from office to metro, which was around 40 minutes, +20 minutes which we used to average-ly snatch out somehow.
Second important thing, don't go by the norms. At least in matters of heart, let the heart rule and let mind take a nap. Just because something was done by some hero or heroine in a movie, you'll do it, is foolish. Make your own love story, define your own happy moments. Do what your heart says. After our roka/fix-up, I gate-crashed his office with a bouquet. This was within a week's time of roka. It was a surprise/shock visit. And, he was forced to leave everything he was working on and take me out. I know it's extremely foolish, unplanned but what's a story without any adventure/madness streak to it? Plus, I did what my heart told me to. "Mera mann aaya main kutta maar ke khaya" :P :D (For the un-bollywood people, this is a famous dialogue by a villian in a hindi movie..forgot the name of the movie..had urmila matondkar in it, that's all I can recollect).
So, moral of the story, nothing comes easy. If you want a relationship which is different from the average arranged marriage, you've to put in the extra effort, just like you are willing to do, in a self-chosen love relationship.
:D I read it in the morning and starred in google reader to comment later. I loved the fact that you went with flowers and surprised the man and the fact that every relationship has its own story :D
ReplyDeletemujhe bhi kutta maar ke do, dono milke khayenge :D
And that's how you fall in love withing an arranged marriage:)
ReplyDeleteGod bless you both and thanks for the advice to looking-forward-to-it mortals like us:)
@BB: :D You have a nack for the odd! :)
ReplyDelete@PV: Indeed. Too happy to help, anytime.