Random Thoughts

Tarun left for Delhi today. Office work. Hope these testing times end soon. Missing him already.
On a funny note, he has left notes for me at different places of the house - things to remember - one at the gate for things I've to do before leaving the house. And another near the bed for things to do before knocking down for the day.
Well, I actually need those. You get so dependent on your partner that work gets divided and you forget that such a work exists also. And unfortunately, the list is long in my case :P


Anay is keeping me company this time. Am feeling like the big guy in the movie who is a military and left to baby-sit in a house with 4 kids. He learns to dance a silly number to put the smallest one to sleep. Tarun uses quite many tactics himself. And, am not half the joker he is, or even innovative enough.  Fingers crossed.

I loved the visit to Vivekananda Ashram in Kanyakumari. It gets lot of visitors and yet there is a different peace and silence there. The sea surrounding you, the wind blowing in your face, you can't help get thoughtful. The thought that Vivekananda and Mata Parvati came there to meditate seems like a very smart move on their part. If one wants peace and solace to think deep thoughts, you couldn't find a better place. Well, you can't do that now anymore coz the place is commercialized but when it was just a rock in the middle of the sea, it was definitely a great place to meditate.
For once, even I felt like leaving everything in the material world. It all seemed so pointless and waste.

Wanted to post a pic of the same, but am unable to. The whole world posts so many interesting photos on blogs and I can't. How do you post pics with text? Can someone please help. I sincerely wish to.

Turbulence

Short update. Feel like posting something at least when my mind is over-full. Anyways, well, after a long time I'll be posting something about life 'before' something is really happening. I stopped doing it ever since I got married. But, this space is 'my' space. Want to keep it mine. So, posting the thought-process.

Job is not going well in Bangalore. The risk we took in shifting seems to be hitting back and things may totally fall apart. We may just have to return to NCR. I don't want to, of course! Well, I don't want to lose my freedom, which I've earned so hard. But, if things don't work out, then we may.

Tarun's work doesn't seem to be settling here. I'm already looking for a switch asap. I'm not that concerned about my job as I'm for his. I'm trying other options and hopefully things will work out for me. Well, advantage of being in the Silicon Valley (of India, fine!). But, things need to work for both.
I can pay a price for my freedom but the cost can't be family.

Let's see what happens. Keeping fingers crossed.

And, ya, returned from a long trip of South India today evening. Full of things about it but some other time. :)

Pain

I'm feeling drunk...drunk with pain. Have you ever felt it?

The heart is sinking. I try to distract it but after a moment, it returns to the motion of sinking down. Is it the same for you too - the pain?

I feel like sinking down from my chair to the floor. I don't know why but whenever I'm sad or feel like crying, I feel like crouching on the floor, or lying flat on the floor. I feel like being close to the nature, the mother earth. Maybe it's the 'mother' part of the earth that invites me. Invites me to soothe me. Does it ever happen to you?

It's hurting a lot right now, it doesn't matter what the reason is. I know things will go back to fine. But, it doesn't reduce the pain right now. It's weird how my heart aches and yet it has the knowledge that it's temporary. Is it a part of being grown up and mature? Is it because I've so much faith in the fact that it's going to be over soon? 

This pain is so different from the pain I feel when I lose an object. So different from the pain when I have a disturbance with my MIL. So different from when I have a argument with Tarun. Does heart have different areas and different flavours of pain? Have you ever felt it?

Am I becoming a sadist to be analysing pain? In a way, am enjoying the fact that it's paining so much because I'm secretly being happy that I'm going to get something amazing once this ends. Coz, pain is never a waste. It always brings happiness or surprise or a great amount of learning with it. 

The Pandit said it's going to be a bad phase till 27th. It's still 17 days to go till then. It's scary a bit to think of what more I'm gonna see in the next coming days. What else am gonna lose. What embarrassment or low-points will my life see? The recognition and self-worth I've felt, for the first time in my long life, in my profession, will I lose that feeling by the end of it? Screw the Pandits. Seriously, sometimes it just feels like I could just sit in a corner of the room and pass these 17 days away silently. Do nothing, try nothing. What a waste of time. What a waste of valuable time of your life!!

I hope I never visit any Pandit again and remember not to. I know it's all as per destiny that the life is going to go. No matter how hard you try, or what you do, things will work as they are destined to. But! But, it takes away the whole fun of living a life. What's the point of living a life if there's no surprise element in tomorrow? What's the point in knowing that I would die tomorrow, today? If I hadn't known, I would have lived today like I would live to a 100! So, moral of the story, 'Live your life as if it's going to go on forever. Try new things. Even if you fail, you would know a new way it could go wrong'.

Thinking of that, I screwed up 1 ltr of milk over the weekend trying to make khoya at home. My Mom told me to let the milk heat on till it reduces to solid-paste state. I let that happen. But, I forgot that I had to 'stir'. End result? What else, asshole! The khoya got stuck as a black mass at the bottom and I had a khoya looking beautiful from the top but full of foul smell of burn inside it.
Now, I'm going to try it again this week. And. I'm going to succeed.

You may wanna know what happened to cause the pain. Remember my telling in the last post that I was supposed to go to the dream company from my current company as a client project. Well, after confirming me on Friday, they decided to rethink on it, on Saturday. So, am left lurching and biting my nails again. I had only started to feel relaxed and a little, tiny-bit happy about being settled finally at work. And, the moment I reach office, I get the news from my Manager here, that they are thinking again. And, by when will I get to know the final result? Don't know. Wait continues.

I feel like crying but I can't. It's the same way every time. I want to cry it out and get over with. But, I'm not given the opportunity. I have to deal with a heavy, crying heart. I can feel it. I can feel the heart shedding drops but I can't let that get out through my eyes.  And, I feel the pain from a new portion of my heart. The portion that yearns for professional achievements and fulfilment. That wants to make a mark in the area where I am an individual. Where my and only mine, hard work shows. I want to feel that it's more than confidence and PR that got me where I am. I deserve to be at the top for being myself. For having the knowledge as well as the character. I have toiled honestly. I don't know if I have worked enough or not as per the world's standards. But, I've worked honestly and given my best effort to my career. So, I expect to be rewarded with the recognition for the same.

A lady works hard in two fields - at office and at house. She's never recognised or appreciated for her hard work at home because it's supposed to be her duty and responsibility to take care of everyone. If there are any faults, she's criticised but she's never complemented if things are going 'normal'. 
Work is the only area where you work hard and can expect to be recognised. I hope I am. I yearn to be. I won't die till I do. If I did die before that, I guess I'll hover around here as a ghost. Coz, I won't settle till I settle.

3 months of ups and lows

Well, after really long gap, I've got the opportunity to write back to my blog. Have been aching to get back but never got the chance. It's not like I didn't have the time, I was never alone. I need my privacy when penning my thoughts. With one laptop at home and that totally occupied by Tarun, I don't get free time + PC free. And, I'm totally avert to the idea of Tarun watching over while I blog.

Never mind.

So, in the past three months of my stay in Bangalore, a lot of ups and downs have come. Uncertainties, shocks, surprises, challenges, and recognition. Well, I've seen it all. :) But, overall, I would say it was worth every penny spent. And the learnings, as much harsh, are worth keeping.

Let me try and put down the events and my learnings with them quickly here.

Loss of a near one: I lost a cousin of mine. He was 22, diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. Within 4 months of detection of the cancer to the end, it all happened that fast. These days medical science has grown so much that one would believe there's no disease which cannot be treated. And Cancer, well, what's the big deal. I was really not prepared for this. The brother was a first of its kind in the whole world with that type of cancer. Before that, AML was found only at later age of life, like after 35 yrs of age. He was a bare 22. Even when they put him to ventilator, I was sure he would come back. The astrologers had said he had a long life. He was one with a never-say-die attitude. Even till the end, he never thought that he would die. He just thought it was a long battle that he would have to fight but he would win. It showed on his face, in his attitude. It's a difficult thing to accept that its over. It really is over. What I need to learn from this...

1. Time never returns. No matter how well you felt for the person, how good and deep your feelings were for the person, you may never get a chance to tell him later. Tell them now, else you will regret it forever. At the time, he was battling with the disease, I was busy shifting to Bangalore. My life was a mess and I never got time to call him or his parents and ask for his health. I know none of it could have changed his condition but it helps you heal later. Now, I feel a guilt on my heart calling my Mausi or Mausaji. I feel ashamed of going in front of them. I feel like I abandoned them in their times of need. So, call your relatives often. Even if it's nothing more than a hello. It makes them feel you close.
2. Love your loved ones when you've time. These days in the mad rush of making your child learn to run, to compete in the fast world, we forget how much we love them. My Mausi n Mausaji lost their son, their child, the child they had loved so much. And in the 4 months when he was slipping away from their hands, the only thing they wanted was to keep him in never let go from their sight. Love your child unconditionally. How does it matter if he learns to throw a ball little later than the rest of the children. How does it matter if he doesn't like to play cricket but enjoys playing flute or learning dance more!? If he's snatched away from you tomorrow, it wouldn't matter how well the other person's child is doing. You would have lost yours and the loss is only yours. Love them till you have them with you. While you can.
3. Never get too attached to anyone, not even your children. Nothing is permanent.

29th November'2012: Oh boy! What a day it was. The fact that it was my Anniversary didn't make it so eventful than the way it went. I was slated to have an interview on 30th with a dream company. On 28th I got the news that I've an interview with the same D company from my current company, in two days. Expecting a clash in the interview, I preponed my personal interview to 29th so that the company's interview could happen on 30th. That was the earliest it was expected.

On 29th, the interview was supposed to be from 9.30 -12.30 morning slot. I started early from home and got full-on jam of Bangalore. The Auto Driver decided on some fare when I took it from my home, but since I was getting down at such a big company, he flipped. He said I would charge 1.5 times of meter. He started howling at me in Kannada. He knew I wasn't a Kannadiga and wanted to take full advantage of it. I tried to take help from the people around on the red light but no one was interested in getting into a mess right in the morning of a working day. Well, I decided to seek help from the traffic police man. Thankfully, he was good, smiled at the autowallah and told him to take the fare as previously decided and let me go. But, because of the altercation, I was 5 min late instead of 30 min early.

The interview, Phew! I had 4 technical rounds in 3 hours. Back-to-back. The current interviewer left me only when the next came standing on top of him. I was drained by the end of it. At 12.35 I was out of the company and trying to pick up my nerves.

Well, as fate would have it, it wasn't happy enough on screwing the timelines and preparation of mine by 1 day and by the turning of events. The moment I switched on my phone back, I got a call from my current colleague that our interview (which was slated for next day) was supposed to happen today at 2.30. We're supposed to go to client company for interview. Wow! Oh God! I don't think I was more scatter-brained ever in my life as I was at that time. I had not brought my lunch. I was supposed to eat after reaching office. But, since I was late, we had to rush as soon as I reached.

We waited for an hour at the reception. I just got one coffee and some biscuits to have as lunch. I took a round in the ground once to get hold of myself. And went back to waiting for him.

The interviewer came, we had our discussion, I don't know what he asked and what I answered. But, it got over. The learnings:

1. Man proposes. God disposes.
2. You suck at Digital. Work it up before you even think of any interview.
3. Tarun is always right only if you listen to him.

Anay:

Well, a short update on Anay also. He's starting understanding tits n bits of English. Started using words like 'stand, sit and down'. :) It's nice to see that. Also, he's able to climb the stairs on his own. That's really an achievement. When I saw him doing that the first time, at the swing, I was shocked. I had lost sight of him only for a split-minute and there he was, climbing the stairs confidently and happily. He was already mid-way through.:O :D

Ecstatic. It's fun to play with him. He tries to imitate the words we speak. Loves to spend time with us, play games with us. Totally enjoying. :)

Life is going beautiful

Well, it's been quite some time since I got privacy and circumstances suitable for my blogging. I want to capture and log in all that has passed. So much has passed in this last one month.

Office front, it was quite insecure in the beginning. I wish I could catalog the series of emotions I went through then. The setup, the facilities, the people, everything seemed alien to me. Bangalore, which seemed just another work place in India suddenly became a reality and a reality very different from the one I knew. While we Northies are very comfortable with Southies working with us, settled in NCR, but we could never begin to understand the alienness it feels in the beginning. You can only understand it once you've experienced it yourself.

The people are Indians but because there mother-language is different, they are different from you.
While you would have often heard people(/done yourself) cursing outsiders coming to Delhi and then abusing the city, you find your position reversed. You're in the company of people who're the natives and 'you' are the outsider whose taking their opportunities, abusing 'their' city and 'you' should be ashamed of it. While I never said anything anti-Bangalore, I think even the simple remarks on their language or on the state of affairs must look abusive to them. Because, you're an outsider so even if you're just joking sarcastically, they take it as a comment from you. I faced some of such embarrassing looks from my colleagues. I still need to work on what I speak and how I speak it. I get friendly with people pretty soon but it takes them time to accept it.

Anyways. Work-wise and people-wise, I'm starting to settle in my place of work. People are warming up to me and my idiosyncrasies. I found a very helping woman here - Shalini. She works with me in my office. She helped me right from finding an flat in her apartments (without brokerage) to getting the basic stuff for home arranged. Stove, Cylinder...God, the list is endless. I felt like my MIL's social nature is here with me in her garb. Co-incidentally, she shares her birthday with my MIL :P Others are good too. Funny and friendly Asha, the fresh and innocent Ambika, the outspoken and a little immature, though my-age, Padma.

At personal front, ever since I got Anay back from home, I've started to settle. Life is still taking time to fall into a routine. My bad habit of sleeping till late hasn't given me up. Tarun still needs to wake me up, no matter how many alarms he put. And then, I'm running and running and running. One day he got very furious that you have to wake up yourself and take stock of your responsibilities. I don't like to bully you like this. I was ashamed. Next day I woke up at 6.00 myself. Put up an alarm from 5.30 at night and woke up without Tarun's call. He was happy. Helped me in the kitchen too saying that when you are working, I don't mind helping. Next day onwards, I'm back to my regular routine - of Tarun waking me up. :D ;) :D

Anay, he's become the apple of our eyes. We're so besotted by him and his childish actions, that even while watching a movie, we are many a times watching him than the movie. :D His little dance when you feed him junk, his breaking out and walking on his own when we take him to a mall. He would keep walking and stand in the path of people and wait for them to reach him and see him, maybe give him a pat on his head. I don't know if every child does it, but I never knew children had so much to offer. :) It's a pure bliss to have him with me. I don't know if he was so active even back in Noida or is it only that I got so much time to watch him here. Another reason why I'm liking the change.

I miss Cadence. I miss my friends. I miss the warmth of NCR which had all become home to me. But, I like the individuality, the freedom, the sense of responsibility, the purpose Bangalore has brought  to my life. There are lot of challenges but none bothers me. Everything seems to be falling in place. I'm happy in my small hole of bliss. Till it lasts ;) :)

Dhoom2

Watching Dhoom2 again. I think I started liking Hrithik Roshan with this movie only.
It's all a killer combination.

Hrithik Roshan in his perfect body in a perfectionist role. Couldn't get enough of him in the movie.
Ash lookin stunning hot in the song - crazy kiya re and in the whole movie.
And, Karan Johar, the director. He actually knows how to dress up people and bring out their stunning selves.

Again, the reason why he should cast Ash in the movie version of "Shiva Trilogy".
This is the only way he can do justice to the movie.

Ohh! Back to the movie! :)

some 'me' time

With Tarun gone for seeing the rental places, I've today for 'me' time and there's so much I wanna do, I don't know how to go about it. I want to catch up with FB and friends. I also want to watch a movie on TV or YouTube. Then, I also want to do some craft stuff I've been achingly wishing to do. 

Don't know which one to pick. Ohh, lemme rush!

BANGALORE!

Well, as expected, as discussed, I have finally moved to Bangalore.

It's been crazy right from the word 'go'. Whether we think from the time when we were in the decision-making phase, or when we were in the resignation-shifting-moving phase, or now, when we've shifted. I don't know how this could be but if I'm really honest on my blogs, then the one thing I'll have to be honest about is that this was an impromptu decision. Even now, I and Tarun think if it was a right thing to do. Somehow the decision, the move is not getting permanent and perfect.

Normally, when you take a decision, you stick to it and you're ready for the consequences. Here, every time some hiccup comes, we're back to the decision-making phase, and asking ourselves or each other - 'Was it the right thing to do to uproot everything, a very happily settled life, for this?'

Well, I don't know if it was right or not, I'm blaming fate for it, but I'm not running back. I'm going to see through this and see what and why was I brought here.

So, to quickly pen down the highlights of the journey so far, here you go!

We reached Bangalore on 10 September 2012, Saturday, at 12.00 PM. Well, what was the first impression of Bangalore? With sign boards of start-up companies hanging from every other balcony, you feel like you've arrived in a dream-fulfilling dream. The city lures you to start dreaming. Whether you're a milk man or you're an IT consultant with no life, every one has the capability and the possibility of becoming a honcho tomorrow. Just dream big.
It felt like, Finally I've arrived!

But, the start-ups, are exactly what pops your balloon when you land into one.
I never mentioned about the company I had the offer from and for which I left the comfortable life. Well, it is kind-of-a-start-up. It's growing fast. The name's being well known in my professional circles. So, I was not expecting a company sitting in a residential area. Well, they are not exactly in a residential place. They have two offices, in very good parts of the city, and one upcoming in Whitefield. But, somehow, I still wasn't ready for even this much of a startup. I never knew but I was acclimated to a certain amount of standards in the company and I never knew they can falter in new ones. Like the coffee machine is supposed to be always working. If it's broken there's always a second machine available to go n pick ur tea from. So, as it was to be, the machine broke in my office and no one turns up to fix it for the whole day. It's only when I left the office due to a head-ache, and come back the next day, do I find the machine fixed.

So, to summarize, I can tell you that am not totally settled in my company. Please don't mention it anywhere. Am still struggling with accepting this fact. Tarun is not ready to accept it either.

Now, if facilities were not enough to unsettle me, I meet my Manager. Phew! The guy doesn't speak, or speaks in such low voice, it instantly puts me off. If there's one thing a manager should have, is confidence in himself and some amount of command in his voice. I don't know if it's a prerequisite for me, or it is something they also teach in B-schools. If they don't, they should. Having worked under numerous managers, I'm wary of those who don't have a strong voice. They always end up as the tame sorts, whom anyone can come and say anything, and they won't retaliate. They never have the capability to stand up for you in important forums. They never are able to represent the team in the positive light, they're supposed to. So, this guy is totally that. I've to stretch my ear till my leg to hear what he's saying.
To add to it, he's seeming to be a womanizer too - a trait I've sincerely come to despise. I don't need a tag of womanizer managers favoring me and my growth. I've worked hard and earned it myself, and there have been no untoward favors anywhere. Why should I be looked down upon or questioned just because someone else has a problem with his attitude?
The guy takes the girls of his team out for lunch while casually neglecting the guys in the team. Idiot! I hate him already. Such people think they are favoring the ladies but in reality, they are actually doing damages to them. You're supposed to be gentle to the ladies but you do not need to take sides.

Anyways, this is Bangalore. People change jobs more often than they change their shoes. So, if I can't find something befitting me here then I can't find it anywhere.

Lemme add a amusing incident to spice up the post. I get a call from a consultant for a job opening from a big name. He says 'the company is in Whitefield. Will you be able to manage commuting?' I said, 'yes, why not? That's why I'm applying, right?!'
He: 'Well, there are lot of people who say it's very far off from our place so we can't manage'
Me: 'That's a luxury Bnglr people can afford. Noida people are not used to it.'

Seriously! In Noida, the companies are so numbered that leaving a company just because it's a little far from home, seems outrageous. Maybe, in a few months, I'll get used to it too.

Hey, one more thing. The people are great. Helping. Despite being the IT hub and growing leaps and bounds, when you talk to someone, ask them for help or anything, they will talk to you as if they have no other work to do. Feels like North India and North-Indians are real trash in humanity standards. We really need to work on our skills there.
That's all for now. Ciao!

Question

What is the best profession you would suggest, for a person who loses interest if he finds someone else doing it. I mean, the person wants to be the best and the only person doing such a job.

Please do comment. You can leave anonymous answers if you're uncomfortable putting names to yourself/you reply.

N d days are numbered..

Well, a short update before I head on for the new phase of my life. :)

My flight to Bangalore is on Saturday. Most busy with packing, dreaming, planning, thinking and re-thinking.
After much discussion, I gave in to the practical solution. So, for now, it would be me and Tarun who would go to Bangalore. Anay will stay back with his Amma/Baba. It's good he's small. I wouldn't want him to go through the same tormented time as me.

No one is giving much thought on my emotions of leaving him behind. It seems like everyone thinks it's not big a deal. Maybe because my SIL's have left their kids to my MIL for some time, at some point in their lives. Or, maybe, because I don't come across as a person with lots of emotions and attachments. ($%#%^#$%#$)???????????

I went to my parents' home yesterday. Mom was not keeping well. She has been diagnosed with sugar problem and it shooted to 400 yesterday, while she was at work. My Dad never mentioned that to me, and casually told me about it, so that I don't get worried, and don't come running. I went anyways. I knew he would never give me the real picture so better I go and see her, before I leave for the far-far-place.
And, as expected, my Dad had hidden the picture from me, as I found that my Mom was in hospital. Though it was more of a precautionary thing but I think, I have complete right to know the real picture. Sometimes, it makes me feel so distant and so much a stranger to them. It feels very sad. Anyways, I know that the truth is because they are trying to save me from the tension. They knew I was super-busy with packing and all and had no time. But, still.
I would rather like to know the complete damage and deal with it than keep wondering. :( :-/

Things are moving fine at work. It's a week for parties and farewells. I've one farewell lunch today, then another on Friday. Friday will be my last.

Well, this being my second switch, my feelings are very different. When I left my last company,  I was aching to leave it so my last day came as a big happiness to me. But, here, I actually liked it. I'll miss it. I'll miss my colleague, Aanchal. If I could come back here without being at logger-heads with her professionally, I would love to. I wish I could come back to this. I sincerely wish so.

Don't know where life will take me. It seems surprising to be leaving a company when you were so settled in it. But, life springs surprises at you. So, there I am. Taking it in my stride.

So, my dear friend Life, let's go!!

Change

Change is the way of life. People change too.

The Gita says the body changes too. you had a different body when you were a kid, you have a different one now since you're an adult.

A friend once told me that when you try to change someone, something else will change too. So, make changes cautiously. 

I've always remembered it and tried not to make any changes to my partner.

But, one brings a lot of changes, no matter they wish it or not. Yesterday, Tarun was mentioning that how is preference for movies has changed. He also doesn't feel like going for the violent movies that mostly guys love (Gangs of Wasseypur II was in question, which I had refused to go to). He said whether one likes it or not, it happens. 

I thought silently, was I pushing my opinion on him all this time? No. I always try to hear what he wants to do. If he even as much as says it, I try to accompany him to what he wants to do. But, he never says much.

Is that a problem? Well, no. I think that's the way he is. Is there a problem with me? Am I too imposing? No. That's the way I've always been. Am I doing something deliberate to change him? No. I'm changing him just by existing with him.

I really loved and liked the person I married. I still love the person I married. 

But, will I be able to love the person I'm changing him into? I am not sure. I'm scared on that. 

There are changes which I'm seeing in him which I'm not liking. They are not changes I wished but they are perhaps caused by me.  Can I do something to revert those changes? Can I do something to not cause any further changes? Well....

I know of one thing which could be my problem and reason for his changes. I could work on it and try to fix it.

But, haven't I always known the problem and consciously tried to avoid it? Yes, I have. But, that is the way I am. And, if I change myself, then isn't it again the defeat of all purpose?

I think change is inevitable. You cannot fight it. You can just hope its a positive one. And, if its not, then hope you're able to deal with it.

Marriage and expectations

The mother of all grievances is expectations.

When you're mature enough to understand this, you try to keep your expectations low. You try to avoid keeping expectations from strangers. But, you cannot help expecting certain help, certain warmth from your family members.

So, when you are old enough and still grieving, it's mostly because your family didn't match up to your expectations. Is it wrong to have expectations from your family? I think, no.

What do you do when they fail to do what you expected?

If you're a man, or an unmarried lady, you would say, shout at them, howl at  them, or maybe cry it out, and get over it. 

But, if you're a married woman, what do you do? If the family in question is your in-laws, of course, you don't shout or howl. You don't think you matter enough to them as much as their son or daughters. You don't think they understand you. You know for a fact that anything you say to them will go down as ego-hurt. So, you take the best and the only route available. You just sit in a corner and let the moment/feeling pass away.

If the family is your own parents, you don't say anything because you feel distanced. You feel disappointed. If they don't understand you then who would? If they don't know you and your expectations after being your blood-parents, how can you expect anyone else to understand you. You feel like they no more care for you and all that is left of the relation is the formalities. They don't tell you if they don't like anything of you, and you don't tell them if something they said or did, pinched you. You don't want to hurt them, especially from that distance. You just grieve in solace. 

(PS: If it's your spouse, then I think each one choses her own way of sorting the matter :P)

You would think you can share your problems with your husband. You can at least go to him and grieve your heart out. But, you know what, the irony is that even telling him is no more an option. You cannot go to him and tell him that you have problems with his mother, or his sisters! He may listen to you but would he understand? For how long can he continue to listen wrong things about his own siblings? 

Is it fair on him to force him to this torture? 

Is it fair on the world to put the woman to this torture?

When you're young, unmarried, you just want companionship. Someone with whom you can share your dreams, your future, your life. You know there will be problems but you never knew the problems are not going to be external, they are going to be internal. 

The woman is removed from her family, put in another family, expected to accept it, expected to change for it, expected to forget everything she learned to believe in, or live for. She's left lonely. Instead of giving her the support she thought she would get, you deprive her of all the support she ever knew, for her. 

It is so lonely.

I've been married for 2 years and I've still not been able to appreciate the concept society penned. I don't understand why it is the way it is. I don't know why the society makes it so unbearable to live happily with a person you actually want to live with. If it was not for the society, the world would be a much better place to live in.