Cooking

CAUTION: 

I feel like blogging the whole day today.

I don't know if I will but bear it as long as you can.

Post1: Cooking

In my 2 yrs experience in the kitchen, I've realized one thing. If you want to make anything yummy, anything at all, just fry the ingredients/vegetables in ghee before you go on with your regular recipe. The thing will turn out awesome. 

And, if you want to add more to it, just add some nuts (kajoo esp) to the gravy.

I've tried and tested it on paneer lababdar, pindi chana(chhole), veg biryani, fried idli...etc etc

Don't tell me its so unhealthy. I already know it and that's why am not happy with this solution. I wish there was an alternative to this greasy option. I like tasty food and I don't think one needs to abstain from yummy things to live longer and healthier. I want to eat everything, okay with moderation.

Decisions / Career choices

As you grow up to become an adult, there will be times when you reflect on your life. On such occasions, you would be able to pin-point on specific times in your life which changed your life considerably. Though everything that happens in our lives, has some significance and some effect on the future of our lives, but we fail to notice it, at that moment.

For example, even a simple act of eating our regular food, there could be a chance that we're eating a rotten eggplant that had a small part of it going bad, and the cook failed to notice it. It chance-happened to fall in your portion of the plate and you ended up having food-poisoning. 

Or, even the regular tea you take in your office is the cause of your acidity and it is not noticeable right now, but will show up in a time-span of 5 yrs.

Well, the post is not about the small nothings and how stupid things affect ur stomach. The post is about the decisions I took in my life which changed or defined my career. Some of the people may like to call it 'mistakes' of my life. But, whatever they were, they define my career and Me.

1. US trip 2009: Well, it was everything a turning point could have. Sudden, dramatic, all-previous-plans-busted or halted, complete life changed and in a matter of a week. The life was going boring and routine. I was preparing for MBA entrance. My preparation was going solid. My CAT had already happened. My office project was about to end. I reached office having the expectation of some free time for a few days, no work and hopefully some new novels to read. But, as turning points are, my manager informed me through a mail, that I've a client-interview slated for that evening. That-very-evening. He didn't even feel the need to at least call me and give me a head start. Well, as luck would have it. I decided to just give it my best and forget it. I knew it was for a client sitting in US and I'll have to go there if I cleared it but I didn't dwell on that part much. My track record of interviews was so bad that I had no reasons to believe or think otherwise. :P So, I had my interview at 9.30 PM (or, was it 10.30 PM?) Well, it was short. He asked me a few questions, answered more himself than me, and ended the interview in half-an-hour. I never thought it would be much. I had my XAT the coming weekend so I better concentrate on that. I did.

While returning from my examination hall with my Dad, when I switched my phone back on, I had received a msg from my colleague that I had got through my interview and was supposed to fly to US within a week's time. Bamm! 

Life taken a 360 degree turn and a fast-forward. 

I never knew or thought the trip would change so much of me, so much for me, so much within me. 

It did. The experience was not a pleasant one. But, it is a cherished one. And life is much better and different from what it was.

Moral: Fate is more powerful than you. And, sometimes it's wiser than you too.

2. Bangalore visit, 2010: A cousin brother working at a good post. Offers me a good position at one of the leading giants in Computers. The position is of Program Manager. I would have to give a dummy interview to a manager in Bangalore. I was already slated to travel to Bangalore for a week with Tarun anyways. Wow! 

I am worn out of my job at HCL. I have been dying to move out of it and get into another company. If I don't, I would perhaps just quit my career and sit at home than waste my time and energy working here. I am looking forward to the opportunity given to me by my big-brother. 

But, as I reach there, as I get to understand the opportunity more, I realize its something that people talk of, getting job through connections, just because you know someone powerful, you're there. Despite being desperate for a job change, despite the role being my dream role, I turned it down. 

I don't think I could have survived the knowledge that I'm having the job because a brother of mine is sitting there above. I'm working because the world is dirty and unfair. I'm earning my livelihood, my salary, because of someone's favors. 

After 2 months of declining the offer, I received my offer letter from Cadence. The position was earned. The salary was mine and received because of my work, not because of a connection. 

Moral : There maybe easier paths in life which may give you better and faster results but they ask for something lot more in return, and that's your conscience.

3. Bangalore again, 2012: The decision is taken. But, I'm not able to stick to it. As yet. Every time, every weekend, I revisit and something irks me to revisit it. Sometimes its a remark from some friend. Sometimes its Anay falling sick and me thinking on how I'm going to take care of him alone. Other times, its my insides talking to me and asking me on the real reasons for my decision.

Well, its a long story. But, the important part is, this is a time when am leaving a secure space, a settled position, a job, for unknown. For challenges.

It turns out to be a mistake or first step towards growth, is yet to be known. Time's running fast. I'll know the results soon.

The Moral is to be learnt yet.

But, am sure it's going to go down as an important turning point in my career/life.

Prayers for Bobby

I saw this movie last night. On Youtube. And, I can only say that every individual on this earth should watch this movie. Must watch this movie.

It's a movie about Gay people and how they need to be accepted and not ridiculed. It's a very moving movie which tells you the simple fact - Life is more important than the rules and the preachings of the society/man/bible. 

Love your loved ones. For what they are. For you may lose them tomorrow for silly prejudices and you will have no one else but yourself to blame. Save them before it's too late.

http://www.prayersforbobby.com/

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1073510/

Or, you can search it and watch it on YouTube.

Turbulence

The times are tumultuous. I'm having opposing thoughts every half-an-hour. One minute my thoughts are tilting towards going to Bangalore and the next hour, I'm totally against it and checking my sanity. I'm continuously explaining myself the goods of the decision. And, I'm continuously warring with my thoughts which are saying it's a good idea. 

I don't know if I'm making any sense any more. Forget to you, even to myself.

I told Tarun let's go for a short break. Let's go somewhere. But, God is just not ready to give me a respite, yet. This weekend I really needed to go somewhere. I was ready to go anywhere, even if it meant just going to next door for a break. But, as luck would have it, I couldn't get it. I did go to my childhood friend's place. She recently delivered a baby and I was over-due to meet her. So, it was a respite. But, it was a short one. Happened and ended.

The weekend is over and am back in the grill. The work is not moving an inch. My mind is not letting my concentrate on my work and move forward even a bit. I'm busy fixing my mind the whole day in office. And, busy cursing myself of losing another of work, when am back at home. I think many people would call this Procrastination but I think this is a very tiring way of killing time. If anyone needs tips, please consult me in better times. I can write a book on 100 ways of killing time without taking any tension.

Any person I talk to, 'any-body-at-all', about my career decision, ridicules me. Now, this could be one of the two cases -

1. If everyone you meet in your lane is coming in the wrong direction, perhaps you are in the wrong lane. / 

the hindi adage 'vinaash kaale viparit budhhi'.

2. When you do something unusual, people ridicule you and say it cannot be done. When you achieve, they say, why wasn't it done before. 

Hope you get the dilemma. O Lord, am I losing it!?

Just let it be only me losing it. Hope I don't drive Tarun insane too in the process.

A Note to Self

Remember and Re-vise whenever you stand on such a conjunction ever in life.

There will be times when you would feel like it's all getting too much to handle. You don't know what next is going to happen in life. You'll feel that everything is going to go wrong and you'll lose everything you have built so far.

Stop! Stand firm. Close your eyes and take deep breaths. Remember the last time you were in the same situation. Remember? What happened? 

Right.

Nothing went wrong. Everything went fine. You may not have got what you planned for but God gave you something else which was far more better and made your life much much better, than you had planned initially.

You only fear that what if things went wrong. Don't fear. Trust God. Have faith in him. And, take the leap. The 'Leap of Faith.' If things went wrong, you have the capability, the strength to strike back. To stand up again. Just like you did then. And, every time it happens, you come back as a better person.

So, don't fear these times. These are opportunities which come in the garb of risks. Too many risks. So, rather than fearing, and feeling like running away - Smile Dear!

Your time is coming. :)

'Why women can't have it all' - my take on it.

The post is triggered by a link shared by a blog reader. Thanks for sharing the post with me, friend. It was in response to my post 'the working woman'.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/

Well, I would still beg to differ. No, I won't say that what Anne Marie Slaughter said is wrong. I won't say that a women doesn't make any sacrifice to step higher in her career. I think I already mentioned that in my earlier post. But, I would like to ask the society, our human community, are we pointing to the right question?

You say the problem is 'Women want a career as well as home. They can't have it all. They are sacrificing family to satiate their ambition.'. I say the problem is ' The society still thinks a man's issues are more important than a woman. The world doesn't oppress a woman by domestic violence now. This (guilt-of-leaving-family-for-work) is the new way of woman oppression.' I would like to explain how.

We live in a society where girls are educated and treated equal till the time they are married. Every man wants a wife whose educated well. They want her working so she can support them equally in leading their family. They know it provides a great support in times of distress. If one loses a job, as is common in private sector, the other's job provides a great mental support. Everything is wonderful till both are working, enjoying the pleasures, the luxuries. Now, comes the time when you plan to extend the family. A child is born and she should be taken care of. It's a big responsibility. 

Now, the society expects and wants the wife to be accomodating enough to leave her career. They want her to sit at home, be full of 'mamta' and give the child all her attention and take care of her demands. Then, when the child starts going to school again and there isn't much to do at home, she should take up some part-time course or do some distance-learning program and get back to job. After all, how can they take care of their child's education if they both aren't working! Now, after a gap of 5 yrs, the woman isn't as competent as she used to be. She has to work double hard on achieving the same position as she could have, or used to have in her pre-pregnancy days. But, she cannot give those extra hours. After all, she needs to be home on time and take care of her child when she returns from her school. What's the end result? The woman is forced to do a job she is half-interested in. She knows she can excel at a lot more things if she's given the opportunity. But, she cannot take those opportunities because she's a mother. 

She has to suffer her whole life being the incompetent, uncared-for employee who just works for a pay packet, which she needs to support her family. She is not allowed to have a career, a job, a work she truly loves from her heart. Welcome to the new age, new style of women oppression.

Why is the man not Man enough to let go of his big-fat-male-ego and accept the demands of the family equally.

Let me offer an alternative situation. There are two men. Both work as a team. They are given a task of doing their regular full-day jobs and taking care of a small baby. What do you think they will do? They will divide the child's duties equally amongst themselves and continue to do their routine jobs. If the child needs to be put in a day-care, or a maid needs to be kept for taking care of the child, they wouldn't mind. It's just about management. If one of them has a meeting in the evening, the other will step in and take care of the baby while the other is away taking the meeting. 

What is the problem if the two-male team is replaced with a man-woman team? Why is the situation considered any way different? Is it right to expect a woman to live an unfulfilled life just because she's a woman? Why can't the man of our society step up and be the real support system he promises to be at the time of marriage? Isn't it just the ego which comes in your way? What will my Mom say if she sees me working in the kitchen? What will my sister say if she sees me changing my son's soiled diapers!?

It's this attitude which needs to change.

And, when the man at home will change, the man at work will change too. When the world will have enough women at the top, it will understand that the family and work are both the needs of the society and the society needs to upgrade its laws and functioning to support both. They need to create a workplace, a society which is open-minded and supportive of the human ways where people work and people reproduce off-springs in the same day.

Ah! Just after posting this post, I read an article by Chetan Bhagat who opines quite similarly to mine. Now, I know two men who agree to my ideology (CB and my husband). The world definitely has hope of survival. :) Check this out.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/sunday-toi/all-that-matters/Home-truths-on-career-wives/articleshow/15243750.cms

The working woman

As I mentioned in my previous posts, I'm in that phase of my life where I'm thinking a lot. I'm thinking whether I should be taking up new challenges in my career or putting career at a side and taking care of my baby. While for some of you, the answer could be a straight 'Option 1' or 'Option 2', but I know now that it's never an easy thing to decide for the woman herself.

No matter how much supportive your family is to your work and your familial responsibilities, you don't want to carry the guilt on your shoulders for the rest of your life that you gave up your family for your career. So, I started inquiring people on how they manage their work and their families. I asked colleagues, I asked my parents (both mine and in-laws), I even asked strangers I met for the first time. :) But, I never got a convincing answer.

In this search, yesterday, I found the stories of the Fortune Most Powerful Women. Reading their stories and reading the ordeals of their lives, I found that they faced the same dilemmas and same decision-making stages in their lives, as I am. I would like to share what I read and what I deduce from all of it. This is for all the girls who will have a child or have a child already, to understand that you don't have to pick one. You can have both!

Indra Nooyi, the PepsiCo chief says the guilt (of leaving your child) will always be there. Sometimes it'll be so strong you would feel like a complete failure. Your children and your family would be making sacrifices for your career. But, you just have to learn to deal with it and give your best to whatever you have committed to. In one of her interviews she mentioned how she was supposed to make choco chips for her kids and had forgotten. So, she called her cafeteria and asked them to make some, and make them look like home-made cookies. :) 

But, it's also famous about her  that if any of her kids calls her in between her meetings, she takes the call.

Moral: You will have to find excuses or short-cuts to give your family what they want. You may be missing some of their parent meetings to meet your office deadlines. But, you just keep trying.

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, says she got the offer of Facebook when she had just delivered her second child. She said it's important to take new challenges and keep your work meaningful. Else, the point comes when you don't get the enthu in your work and it all looks pointless to you. Unless you don't keep achieving in your career, your career will start looking a waste of time to you and you will come to the point where you will quit it. Rather than making it wasteful, make it useful.

In both these incidents, I see some of my problems. Now, I was at the same point where I was not finding myself useful and I didn't feel like my work was making the impact the way it should. I had come to the point of quitting it all. And ,that's when Tarun took the control and said that we will go to Bangalore. He's giving me those new challenges and change of environment I needed to get my career running again.

Moral of the story: For a woman to achieve life long balance, she needs a husband who thinks her career is as important as is his. As Indra Nooyi put it, 'Chose  the right husband.'

And, then there was the important answer given by Carol Bartz, ex-Yahoo chief. She was asked how does she manage work and family. She said I don't know how I manage. Basically, I keep juggling them like balls. You catch the one whichever comes at that time. 

 

So, for all the girls out there, not yet married, I would just give one advice, chose a partner who values your career more than you do. And don't make career or child as top priority. It's about managing both the priorities equally. 

And, all the guys out there, you just need to dump your egos and its time to understand that your wife is as equal to you as any other guy colleague. And since she's your wife, help her handle her problems just like a Man.

I wanna cry

I don't know what it is but I'm not feeling good. There's something that is unsettling me. Am not happy and I don't know what's bothering me. I'm not able to put my finger on the problem.

I want to take a day off and go some shopping. Shopping always relieves my nerves. But Tarun doesn't want to go. He's also extremely stressed. He has tremendous work pressure. And, the move to Bangalore is not easy a decision for him, either. To add to his miseries, SIL's MIL is also on Ventilator. Whether Tarun says it or not, I know he's disturbed because of that as well. 

Today, he snapped at me for snapping at him. It happens to us a lot that he comes back home in a bad mood and I was in a bad mood already. But, at least we're together and F2F. So, we resolve it. But, today, we snapped on chat. Bad, worse, worst!

Now, the whole afternoon has passed and the time for me to go home has come but none of us has pinged the other. The reason is also because of work. But, we needed those mending words. 

Now, I'll just have to wait for him to reach home. And, somehow I know he's gonna be late.

Lord! Save us!

Cross Roads

I have been holding myself back from writing anything about this latest phase of my life. It's a little personal to be sharing it with the world. But, am letting myself out here. That's the only thing I can do now. Too much thoughts crowding my mind and I need to flush it out.

As the recent events have occurred, I and Tarun have decided to relocate to Bangalore. After my low phase going on for a long time, Tarun decided it was time for me to take the switch and go for the company located in Bangalore. To cut the long story short, he decided to continue his work in his current company and take the option of WFH. So, he'll be working out of home from Bangalore, keeping an eye on the maid we'll hire for Anay and I would join the Verification Industry again, moving back from the Validation background I opted for, at Cadence.

Well, it was the opportunity of a life time. I would get to move out of my in-laws house which I so wanted, always wanted. I get to make a house of my own. I get to raise my kid my way. I get to lead my life my way. Yes, I am not happy with the risk/ downturn we're taking for Tarun's career. He says it's fine for him and it's all fine if it's helping me in my career. But, am not satisfied with the counter-reasoning.

Then, there is something in me which is telling me that it's running away from the problem. I know I'm getting an amazing hike. I know I am getting the dream position I always hoped and ached for. But, there is something inside me which is still not happy. Perhaps, it's because I know it's not best for Tarun. Perhaps, it's because I know there is a big risk involved in the decision and things may just come down crumpling. Perhaps, it's because I know the escape from the in-laws is temporary and rather a big mirage. No matter for how much time we go, they would keep doing what they do here too..interfere.

Then there are the equations at my current company. I liked working here. The organization is good. The manager is a really good woman. The work-timings are perfect for me to spend good time taking care of my family and giving time for my office. The work was good too and I still had things I wanted to learn and explore in here. I liked the respect you get at a Product company. I vowed never to get back to service industry when I moved from HCL. I am breaking the vow only because Tarun thinks it's the best decision to make.

But, then there's the chance of moving to USA if we move back to Verification background. I can get a job any day if I have a verification profile.

Phew! There are lot of wishes, there are lot of dreams and all cannot be fulfilled. I need to chose which is the most prime. And the prime most is to have a home of myself. My freedom. Today, Tomorrow, Forever.

I know the only way to get it is to talk to parents. But, Tarun knows that no matter when we talk, how we talk, how much we sugar-coat our reasons, how much we validate our reasons to them, it'll hurt them. Deeply. And none of us want to do that.

O Lord, give me some way out. Some middle way out and solve this misery of my life.

Maybe moving to Bangalore is the best decision and maybe things will improve when we return.

Quote...

And yet, to say the truth,

reason and love keep little company together nowadays.

William Shakespeare

A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Act III, Scene i

Light :)

Well, there is something between me and light. I love sunlight, or natural light most. And, in its absence I need a lot of light wherever I am sitting. Whether be it my work-space or my home. In contrast to my MIL who can sit in a dark room with equal ease, I feel uncomfortable sitting in dark and talkin to people. I can't even see their faces properly.

Anyways, our seats at work have been shuffled. And, my new seat is now near a big glass door and a window. The placing is such that I get good natural light all through morning. While my last seat was well-lit too, but I missed the natural light.

I am so loving this new seat :)

Rebel, O Jesus, Let me!

Something's welling up in me....something like rebellion. My strong selfishness, my individuality, my go-do-it streak is rising up again in me. Things are taking shape. And, it all needs patience. I need to wait and let time do its task. But, it's very difficult to wait. I want to blow everything up and do the thing I wish to do.

I have always listened to my heart...pretty much always. Even when I decided to stop listening to it, I guess it was my heart telling my mind to stop thinking that it was listening to the heart :P :)

Now, when I think I'm following my heart, it's still badgering me to go the opposite direction and shatter everything I've built. Or rather, shatter everything that's been built by destiny, so far, for me.

What is it between me and destiny? Why am I always at loggerheads with it? Is it the same way with everybody? Or, am I the only freak in this arena?

I want to just go get the opportunity of going to USA. I want to make a life there and settle there. Raise Anay there. I know life is not easy for kids there. But, I think with the right upbringing, they can be raised good too. It's just a better way of life than it is here. You can be fair at work and happy at home. Times are tough. There are challenges too. But, things work out fine. And, you can live a life of anonymity at peace, unlike here.

I want a home of my own. I want to go home today in the evening and tell my MIL everything. Tell her that I want a home of my own.....I can already see the tears flooding the banks and breaking all dams. Phew! I can also foresee the savior running to her rescue and making me understand how I am the pillar of the house, and it's my responsibility and decisions that will make or break it. Well, the fact that I would be telling them... that I want a space for myself, which I can shape and nurture on my own, and that the decision has nothing to do with them.....that will just go unheard. They will totally believe that that is just a facade to hide up the true reason that I want to separate from them. In the end, I'll be the vamp and the family would stand united, on the opposite side. 

There will be all sorts of reminders, gentle and harsh, on how I've been so taken care of. How things are so taken care of and I'm only looking at the negatives. I would protest saying there's no negative that I'm looking at. I just need my space to breathe. A woman needs a house she can run and rule. Home is one place which is supposed to be totally her kingdom and which she gets to run and keep. I want that kingdom of mine and do not want to take orders from anyone else here. But, I doubt that they would understand the need or the point.

It's a big downside that this is one subject, apart from the other of making base at US, where my savior abandons me too. The only person who stands by you or to whom you can look up for support, in a joint family, if he abandons you too, then there are meager chances of you winning the battle. You can cry, you can stomp your feet as much as you like, but once the family gets united, there's no chance for your victory. After all, 'united we stand, divided we fall' has been a golden adage since ages.

Sigh! ........................................................................ Sigh!

There I am, picking the shards of my dreams, of my heart, piece by piece.