Same work-place : The pros and cons

Ever since I joined the same company as my husband, a lot of people have questioned me, is it wise to be at same work-place. Frankly, in my case, I was forced by destiny to join it so I didn't have much choice otherwise. But, having joined it, I can give first-hand experience of what it's like.

The good part of being in the same company AND in the same domain

1. My husband has been instrumental and all the time supportive of the growth of my career. He cleared my basics when I was preparing for my interviews. He understood my problems when I spoke about the issues at work. He could even clarify some of them which was a great help.
2. He was the one who took the decision of going to Bangalore for my job because he understood the work-culture and the real picture of my work-industry. I don't think anyone else in that position (of husband) would have understood otherwise and taken that extreme step. The step is not extreme if you think of just you two, but it's an extreme one when you think of the guy leaving his parents and relocating somewhere else. Also, it's not important whether the stint worked or not. At least he had the courage to take that step. To stand up for me.
3. Now, in the same company, he understands the work precisely. And, it has gone one-step ahead of Cadence because I can actually discuss the deepest details of my issue and he can either resolve it, or point me to the right person for it.I don't think any other RnD guy would spend  that kind of time ramping a PV guy up.

I think the fact that I worked in some different company after marriage, and we faced all those problems, we're able to appreciate our time together in the same office much more. Also, that time gave us time to settle in our new lives. To make our own spaces. Now, we're together but still understand each other's soft-areas. We understand the limit to which we can intrude or times we can intrude in.

The cons :P
1. He can see what I'm eating. Am supposed to be on diet and if I take rice or if I take sweets, he can see that. While he won't say anything, I know, but while keeping it on my plate, the fear is always on my mind Q$#^#$%%#@$!@

2.  It so happened that when the mild earthquake came, we all evacuated the building. So, I was standing with my team while he was with his. My Manager decided that since we're all down, let's go for a short treat at Nirula's. I didn't get a chance to inform him. It was a short one and we returned in half an hour. But, he was a little cross in the evening that I didn't call him or inform him that I was going. These are soft points which need  to be handled personally and maturely. Your off-work interactions with your team will always be seen and they may not go down well with your partner.

With my husband, I know, we'll work on it and settle it with time. But, if you've a spouse who would just not be able to accept it, or is too possessive, you better not take the decision of working in the same company.

Plus, we had a few examples before us where there were couples working in the same office. And they were fine. So, that was a boost-up. But, yes, none of them were in the same team. Similarly, we also knew that we don't want to be working together in the same team. (Yes, we were given that option.)

So, in the end, it depends on you and your spouse.

Pen friend

The post was written on April 17 but since I was unable to open blogger then in office, it was lyin in my drafts.
Posting now. :)



Am in dire need of a friend. A pen friend, a distant friend, a close friend...anyone...someone?

Ever since I lost touch with my old friends and started building a new life for myself and Tarun, I tried to keep someone at work as a talk-able friend. First it was Malvika, then Aanchal, then Shalini and Asha or Ambika even, when need be. But, always there was someone  to talk to and get rid of the flux of thoughts building inside me.

But, now, I feel the need of not just a friend, but someone I can actually say everything without thinking of right or wrong, good or bad, yesterday or today or tomorrow. Just someone whose open-minded, open-hearted, non-judgemental to my thoughts. Why should feelings be censored?

The feelings can be as sinful as they may but it's the actions which should be clean. And, anyways, the feelings or thoughts never get dangerous or something posing a threat...

Or, perhaps, they do. Sometimes when you get takers for your nasty ideas, you get fuel to get them into action. Just by sharing your thoughts with someone else, you give power to the thought. Haven't I always believed in the power of thought. That's what has brought the world to such a sinful stage. Someone thought something dangerous, someone else thought it was good enough to get it into action.

Perhaps I'll just start writing a daily diary to myself. Though I'll miss some human reactions to it. But, for the time that should suffice. :)

Love ya.

Swati

And the days are...

Am feeling lonely. Am feeling sad being here. It's still taking me time to adjust to this new place. I guess it's normal because it has hardly been 3 weeks since I joined. Not even 3 weeks as yet. 

I guess I need people around me. I need friends...to talk to, to share with, to laugh with. And in calypto, it seems even more a distant dream. People here are always distant because I'm someone's wife. I need to get that thought out of their minds and get them comfortable, if I ever want to adjust into this place.

I want to visit US. Stay there. Still :) After my Bangalore stint, it's no more that painful need to go there, else you're a loser -kinda feeling. It's just a wish that I know may never be fulfilled, but I still have. A distant, sweet, childish dream. The beautiful houses, the clean surrounding, making your own home, I guess that's what always calls me. Maybe I can accomplish all that here too but something is there that won't change here. Is it the people's attitude? Is it my own mindset? I don't know what exactly that is. But, it's there. Because of which I have to go to US only and won't get that in India.

I have realized that I like Man-made structures more than God's stuff. I mean, when I visit a new place, I enjoy visiting man-made museums, buildings, etc much more than parks, nature, etc etc. I can enjoy that part also, but that doesn't give me as big a high as man-made stuff does. I want to visit new places. I really want to visit new countries. Don't know if that will ever happen. Right now, it's a long, distant, impossible dream. Maybe. Some day.

Till then, life is beautiful anyways. :)

Take care. Bye

A new beginning

Well, I returned to Saddi Dilli on Monday, 1st April'2k13. And I joined none other but Tarun's company. It's a relatively small company, very few people, and despite being known in the product market, still call themselves start-up. Well, actually, things are start-up-ish in there a lot, when I think about it. It's just that people join it after leaving big names like Cadence n Mentor, so it always had 
high reputation in my mind. Not to mention that my own husband is working there and enjoying it. 

It's a very different ball game when you join a company where you've already met most of the people before. I had been to some of their offsite parties and celebrations as Tarun's spouse and had met most of them. But, now, joining them as a colleague is very different. You are very casual and friendly when you meet people in parties. But, you would want to keep a certain distance, a certain professional demeanor when being work-partners. So, am still facing trouble adjusting to the change. But, am sure, it'll pass. 

The most difficulty to adjust is coming to Mr. Tarun. He feels extremely odd if we talk anything personal, or anything that shows I'm his wife, in office. I don't know if there's a single soul in that office who doesn't know we're married. And, I am not chumma-chaating him in there. Just-casual-talk. But, he gets totally like 'You dare not say or do something out of line in front of them'! It's upsetting sometimes but funny mostly. I can understand his fear or uneasiness but he better get used to it soon. Else, I'll definitely do something to make him remember it. :P 
I've already been getting so many nasty ideas that will put him totally in a fix. But, I dare not coz I fear the consequences. :P :P 

Anyways, so far so good. The work is amazing. The role is super-awesome. Totally what I wanted and totally at the time when I'm ready to accept it. The only drawback is I get to move backwards to SystemC and Verilog and leave my ever-loved SystemVerilog. Getting frustrated not able to use the simple constructs that are so well added to SV and are to be specified in these old HDLs. :(

Anyhow, keeping fingers crossed. Hope things work out here for me. Ya, one sore-point, blogger is banned there. Can't blog or check my blogs there. Even accessing wi-fi on phone is not allowed there. (Told you its a start-up.)

And ya, my cub turned two this week. He's become a total fevicol. I can't get my eyes off him. He's always upto something, doing something new, saying something new. Repeating us on all the crucial times....understanding exactly what we say. Maybe too much of it. :P :) :)

My heart fills and my smile beams further whenever I think of him. God bless my child, my precious!

Smiles.
 
 

Out of the shit-hole

I had one heck of a week. Ever since these ppl refused to relieve me, I had not  had a minute of peace. I used to wake up at night for anay's milk n wud not be able to sleep again...thinkin of all possible things I wud say to them to make them relieve me. And, almost always the epiphany said 'No matter wat  u say to them, they won't relieve u' :( N the long nightmare would continue.

Anyways, finally its all over n I've the letter wid me. God knows whose blessings worked....whoever's it was, I thank u sincerely from the core of my heart.

Some imp learnings from the episode:

-Never take such imp decisions like company without being completely satisfied that you've inquired well enough. I repent that I didn't make that flight journey to bglr, to this office, before actually flying down here wid my stuff. No kanjoosi in such cases.

- While working in any company, no matter how important or recognised you are, the hierarchy is always followed. No matter how gud ur relations wid ur mgr is, HR has upper edge to everyone else. Remember the hierarchy n don take punga. I don know exactly wat fueled these ppl to create this relieving trouble for me but when I think of it,  it cud be because of my voicing my concerns over policy changes to that hr bitch.
- Last but not the least, if u remain gud n follow proper rules, others r forced to follow too. If I had not decided to return the relocation money to them fully, despite my judgement shouting it to be wrong on their part...I wouldn't have received the relieving. 
When u go the legal way, there r high chances they will be caught somewhere inescapable and will have to get in line.

That's all for now. Ciao.

Biggest mistake of my life

They are not relieving me. They say, serve the full notice.
:( 
When does the ordeal end...
My hand is burnt, my heart bleeds..O dear destiny...spare me please.

Quick updates :)

It's my last day at Synapse...hopefully they will relieve me today.

I'm moving back to Delhi.

I got a job in Tarun's company. (Yipppeeee! :) It's an exciting role, exciting work and wonderful work-culture. Fingers crossed!)

Anay is not keeping well. I've spent almost whole of the month on an off from work to be beside him. And now, he's got so attached to me that he wants to be carried wherever I go...even inside the house.  
I don't know how I'll get back to work in Delhi.

I'll miss Brigade Metropolis. I don't think there's any place like it anywhere in India. I'll totally, completely miss it. Not just great surrounding, it is a symbol of independence, freedom and i-can-do-it for me. Take care, You!

Bye! 

A day's hard work

Painted this pot...wanted to paint one for a real long time. Finally got the opportunity today, thanks to Bandh. It's turned out real well. Happy happy! :)

Pati meherbaan

"pati meherbaan to biwi shaitaan"

Well, my husband is in quite a good mood these days. He has been struggling with a high-intensity release project and has been quite busy since past one month. As obvious, I have been taking care of Anay alone, and handling everything else. His company has also been happy and given him some bonuses. 

So, to make up for the month, or to show his happiness, he's been on a spending spree 'on me' :D

Well, it's not like I didn't need these things and he got me, but well, I didn't need such expensive ones. At least, I wasn't expecting it. 

Ha! It's getting too much for me to digest you can say. :)

So, i get a phone - Samsung Galaxy S3. 
And a new watch - Swatch 

:) :) :)

Hope you understood the caption now! ;)

Growing old

As time is ticking and days pass on, I feel the life slipping on. Actually, I feel like the life has already ended. What do you call life? Just breathing and living on doesn't mean life. Not at this age at least. Life means Dreams, Aspirations, Hopes. Isn't it?

When we were young, there were so many things to look forward to. There would be our annual exams to ace at, there would be the cultural fest coming up, even an inter-school competition. 

The dreams of finding that special someone and living rosy-dreams with him. Then the aspirations of becoming a successful person professionally. 

Choosing the profession, which changes every week... when the best friend comes up with something new.

Life is full of so many things to look forward to. That's what we knew life to be. Living the 'life'.

But now, we're grown ups. We have a job, we've a family, we've homes, our partners are chosen.

No more dreaming of jobs, no more dreaming of best looking men, no more interest in that sexy, sleezy outfit Kareena is wearing in her new movie. 

You know where you stand. You know what you are. You know where you will be even 20 years down the lane.

How could it have been any different? I think the death of it all occurs when you get married.

Ya! I know I've got a great spouse as a partner. And not everyone is lucky in that department. So rather than blaming him, I should be blaming anything else. But the fact is that it is this very marriage, as created by our society which kills, slowly and brutally, everything in life. It's not the fault of the people involved in it. It's just the society and its working. 

Does that mean all hope is lost for me? I have nothing to look forward to in my life?

Well, I'm hoping to take some inspiration from her. (http://www.30before30project.com/p/come-along-for-ride.html)

Re-quoting her words "growing older doesn’t have to be dreadful if you live every year like it’s your last."

Destiny

Yeh Destiny, Fate, God's will....badi hi kutti cheez hoti hai.

It's nothing else but God's way of showing his up-man-ship.  Of cutting you to size. Of telling you your real place. Of your 'aukaat'. Of the fact that you have no say on your life, on yourself, but he's the one who rules.

Fuck Off!

Moh

 kiska moh kare tu bande, kaun hai tera kaun paraya...


I sometime feel so distant and so aloof to the world and its ways. Everybody and their emotions look so fake.

Back in 2009, when I had decided to accept the world as it is and not go by my own understanding of it, I had decided to follow its rules. From a person who flouted and questioned all the rules, I became a follower. I had decided to find reason in those rules, in those methods, in the basic functioning of the world.
I did find sense. A lot of sense. But, I also found a lot of crap.

I had always been a believer of earthy relations more than blood relations. I always felt that if you have good friends then they become better relations to have, and look out for in times of crisis, than any of your blood relations. After the phoenix, I started giving them a try. I tried to basically make friends 'from' my relations, rather than searching out. What was the result? Well, most of the times it seems forced to me. With some, I don't connect on a mental level. With some, it seems our areas of interest don't match so we're always interested and talking on different subject. More than anything, when the time comes when you need someone for support - mental and emotional, you have 'nobody' to go to. Why? Because you know that talking to one means talking to a full house. Because it seems like your story is more of a tea-time gossip to them than something to empathize for. They are discussing on it and sending their condolences to you every time you meet them. Rather than helping you heal from the failure/grief/problem, they become your periodic time check of the same.

And this thing goes in much deeper. It just doesn't end till cousins, sisters, SIL/BIL etc, it creeps into your most innate relations. The formality and the society way-of-living gets into the relations which were supposed to be your 'family'. And, I don't think it's a problem only women face after marriage, I've seen it come to Tarun too. I only feel more sorry for the boys because they are living with their parents and the equations between them change. For the women, at least there's a major change, a gap which helps you understand. For them, it's all hurt - all through. Looking at the complex working of society, I feel quite drawn to the West. I know, grass is greener on the other side, and all that, but still, can't help compare.

In these testing times, I try to find someone to talk to. I've talked enough to Tarun and I know his view point and that doesn't seem to be helping. I want to talk to someone else. Just anyone else. I tried talking to Mum but even she's more interested in telling me about her friend's daughter's wedding and all-that. I tried talking to Dad, he tries to listen, but he can't help. He rather puts more burden on you by reminding you of how important it is to keep the job.

I know I can talk to my MIL for this. She is definitely one Mother everyone should have. But, I don't want to burden her with my miseries. She'll get troubled. And... I don't know what to say either. It's a big mess now. All a big mess and no light to see at the end of the tunnel. She would easily say that quit and come back. But, that's not what I want. I want my job. I want to keep working. And, I want to be peaceful.